ENTJ and ISTP: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance
I. COMPATIBILITY
ENTJs and ISTPs are very different personality types and are generally not considered highly compatible. Despite this, ENTJs and ISTPs form and maintain valuable relationships and have quite a bit to offer one another. Partners in a healthy ENTJ/ISTP relationship will embrace their differences and see in them the potential for mutual growth.
SUMMARY CHART: ENTJ AND ISTP COMPATIBILITY VERSUS POSSIBLE CONFLICTS
| COMPATIBILITY: | POSSIBLE CONFLICTS: |
| Both types value logic and reason | Different tolerances for disorganization |
| Complementary communication styles | Traditional versus progressive values |
| Neither type is likely to get needlessly over-emotional | Different approaches to scheduling |
| ENTJs and ISTPs have similar love languages | ENTJs and ISTPs have different social needs |
THREE REASONS WHY ENTJs AND ISTPs ARE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER
When they can get past their differences, ENTJs and ISTPs have the potential to make a fantastic team. The following are just three of the reasons ENTJs and ISTPs are good for one another:
- Both types value reason, logic, and objectivity
- ENTJs and ISTPs have complementary styles of communicating
- When making plans, ENTJs and ISTPs can cover each other’s blind spots
Both thinking personality types, ENTJs, and ISTPs, each place a high value on logic, reason, and objectivity. Because of this, neither partner will likely become overwhelmed by emotion when discussing potentially sticky subjects, and each will try to see from the other’s point of view.
Though quite different, the communicative styles of the ENTJ and ISTP can be complementary. The expressive, energetic ENTJ often winds up doing the majority of the talking, while the ISTP falls naturally into the role of listener.
ENTJs and ISTPs can cover each other’s blind spots when making plans. ENTJs tend to focus on “the big picture” when making plans, sometimes neglecting small but crucial details. The opposite is true of the ISTP; they focus on details, sometimes at the expense of the overall plan. Together, these types can check each other’s natural tendencies.
THREE REASONS WHY ENTJs AND ISTPs ARE NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER
As good as ENTJs and ISTPs may potentially be for one another, not every ENTJ/ISTP couple will be able to get past their differences. When problems arise between ENTJ and ISTP partners, often it’s for one of these reasons:
- ENTJs are resistant to change; ISTPs thrive on change
- ENTJs and ISTPs prioritize organization differently
- These types have different needs regarding socialization
ENTJs and ISTPs have very different values, which is liable to cause some trouble for the ENTJ/ISTP couple. ENTJs tend to be traditionalists; they resist tinkering with time-tested institutions and systems. On the other hand, ISTP types are always looking for ways to improve things and are quite comfortable shaking up the status quo.
Organization is likely to prove a sticking point for the ENTJ/ISTP couple. ENTJs have a lower tolerance for disorder than their ISTP counterparts and, if they live together, will likely find themselves attending to most of the household chores. Such an imbalance will almost inevitably lead to resentment on the part of the ENTJ.
As an extrovert/introvert couple, ENTJ/ISTP partners will find they have very different social needs. While this is not an insurmountable obstacle, both partners will have to make some significant concessions to the other’s communicative style if they are to enjoy mostly harmonious communication.
COMMUNICATION
Healthy communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship; partners in an ENTJ/ISTP pairing must be willing to step beyond their communicative comfort zones and “meet the other halfway”, so to speak, to reach their potential and avoid possible pitfalls.
WHERE ARE THEY STRONG, AND WHY?
ENTJs and ISTPs communicate differently, but that doesn’t mean their styles are incompatible. ENTJs and ISTPs fall into a comfortable dynamic where each partner plays to their strengths; the extroverted ENTJ does most of the talking, and the less-expressive ISTP does most of the listening.
WHERE DO THEY HAVE PROBLEMS, AND WHY?
ENTJs and ISTPs communicate in very different ways; this is likely to cause misunderstandings between partners in an ENTJ/ISTP relationship, especially early on.
To begin with, ENTJs prefer discussing ideas and abstractions to facts and figures; for them, the “why” of a situation is more important than the “what.” The opposite is true for the ISTP. This type deals in the practical world, preferring to discuss verifiable facts and experiences with ideas.
As mentioned earlier, ENTJs and ISTPs tend to fall naturally into their comfort zones when communicating; this is typically a suitable enough arrangement, but there will be times when it proves insufficient. When discussing important topics, for example, the ISTP may feel the conversational status quo provides them insufficient opportunity to make their feelings known. Conversely, sometimes the ENTJ will require more than the usual levels of engagement from their ISTP counterpart.
HOW MIGHT THEY IMPROVE COMMUNICATION?
Improving communication between an ENTJ and an ISTP will take some compromise and a willingness to understand from both parties. The ENTJ must be sure to give their less-verbal partner adequate time to be heard, while the ISTP must sometimes bear more of the conversational weight than may usually be comfortable.
It’s also important for the ENTJ not to mistake their introverted partner’s silence for agreement; doing so will likely lead to misunderstandings and conflict. For their part, the ISTP may want to set some boundaries regarding significant discussions, lest their more energetic partner verbally steamrolls them.
WHERE DO THEY CONNECT, AND WHY?
Initially, the ENTJ and ISTP aren’t likely to see in one another much to get excited about. In fact, the two types are more likely to be wary of or downright distrustful of each other; as such, it will usually take more than a common interest or even mutual physical attraction for this couple to come together in any significant way.
ENTJ AND ISTP: VALUES
THREE THINGS AN ENTJ VALUES
- Logic and reason
- Improvement through analysis and change
- Intellectual connection
ENTJs aren’t ruled by emotion; they are thinking types who place a high value on logic and reason. This trait will serve the ENTJ well as they try to understand and adjust to their ISTP partner’s vastly different way of perceiving and interacting with the world.
Improvement through change is something the ENTJ values very highly. This type is convinced everything can be improved by carefully analyzing and then making logic-based changes to them. Unlike their ISTP partners, ENTJs tend to see innovation as good in itself.
ENTJs relish intellectual connection, using it as a basis for forming and building relationships. Rather than seeking out that emotional “spark” when developing relationships, the ENTJ looks for intellectual stimulation.
THREE THINGS AN ISTP VALUES
- Tradition
- Logic and reason
- Freedom and flexibility
Unlike their ENTJ partners, ISTPs find value in tradition. They understand the complexity inherent in large systems and are hesitant to make a wanted change here, lest an unwanted (and unexpected) change should pop up elsewhere.
Logic and reason are also of paramount value to the ISTP. Like ENTJs, ISTPs are thinking types who value intellectual stimulation. When challenged on one of their values or beliefs, the ISTP will resort to reason rather than becoming needlessly emotional.
Unlike the more structured and goal-oriented ENTJ, ISTPs value the freedom to be a bit flexible with their schedules.
HOW DO THEIR VALUES MATCH UP?
ENTJs and ISTPs both value reason, logic, and objectivity; with this exception, though, these two types have very different values. ENTJs thrive on change; they’re always looking for ways to shake up the status quo and improve existing systems. The ISTP, on the other hand, is more traditionally minded; they prefer not to fool about what works reasonably well and are generally distrustful of change.
For the ENTJ and ISTP to flourish as a couple, both types must be willing to accept the other’s value differences. “Agreeing to disagree,” as the saying goes, will go a long way toward harmony in an ENTJ/ISTP relationship.
LOVE LANGUAGE/LOVE STYLE
For a couple with so few personality traits in common, the ENTJ/ISTP relationship will find significant overlap in the way each partner expresses love. For example, both personality types spend quality time with their partners and use physical touch to show they care.
WAYS ENTJs SHOW THEIR LOVE
- Spending quality time with their partner
- Physical touch/affection
- Speaking words of affirmation
The top love language of the ENTJ is spending quality time; using physical touch to express love comes in at a close second. It’s interesting to note that the ENTJ and ISTP’s top two love languages are the same but inverted.
The third most common way ENTJs show love is through words of affirmation. For expressive types, it makes sense that ENTJs choose to express their affection verbally.
WAYS ISTPs SHOW THEIR LOVE
- Physical touch/affection
- Spending quality time
- Performing acts of service to their partner
Showing love through physical touch is the ISTP’s top love language, followed closely by spending quality time. Coming in third on the list of the ISTP’s top love languages is performing acts of service, a suitable expression for the less verbally-inclined ISTP.
ENTJ AND ISTP IN BED
ENTJs and ISTPs tend to have passionate, even intense sexual energy. Both consider physical intimacy to be more than merely a physical experience, using it as a means to strengthen their relationship. Sometimes the ENTJ can have difficulty “staying in the moment,” as they tend toward distraction. If the ENTJ can control this, and the ISTP feels sufficiently comfortable with their partner, the ENTJ/ISTP relationship can expect to have some fantastic sex.
II. ENTJ AND ISTP COUPLES/MARRIAGE
HOW DO ENTJs AND ISTPs MATCH UP IN A LONG-TERM ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?
ENTJ MALE AND ISTP FEMALE
The ENTJ male/ISTP female pairing has a reasonable enough chance at happiness, though there are obstacles they will have to navigate along the way. If the more social ENTJ is constantly filling the couple’s social calendar, the ISTP female will eventually resent it; conversely, the ENTJ male may be frustrated by his ISTP partner’s seeming unwillingness to engage socially.
ENTJ FEMALE AND ISTP MALE
The ENTJ female/ISTP male relationship likewise has a reasonable chance for success. In this pairing, though, the ENTJ partner will likely find herself doing most of the cleaning and household chores; if the ENTJ male, who’s less bothered by disorder in their physical environment, doesn’t step up to shoulder some of the burden, problems are likely to result.
III. ENTJ AND ISTP CONFLICTS
Regardless of their Myers-Briggs personality type, every couple will have to deal with potential conflict. ENTJ and ISTP romantic partners may have to deal with more than most, being different in so many ways. How ENTJ/ISTP partners approach and handle potential conflict will determine, to a great extent, the degree of happiness the couple enjoys.
POSSIBLE AREAS OF CONFLICT (AND WHY)
Many areas may cause trouble for the ENTJ/ISTP relationship; the following are three of the most common reasons ENTJs and ISTPs run into difficulties:
- Traditional versus progressive values
- Different communication styles
- ENTJs and ISTPs have different tolerances for disorder
Opposing values are one potential source of friction between ENTJ and ISTP romantic partners. The ENTJ may see their ISTP partner as lacking vision, whereas the ISTP partner may be put off by their counterpart’s seemingly reckless tendency to want to change everything.
Though compatible in most regards, the ENTJ and ISTP communication styles are quite different. Once both partners understand, to some degree, the other’s style, their differences should prove less problematic; until then, misunderstandings are likely to abound.
Their different tolerances for disorder are also likely to cause some difficulties for the ENTJ/ISTP couple. If the ENTJ isn’t willing to help their ISTP partner with some of the household chores, resentment will result.
HOW DO THEY RESOLVE CONFLICT?
Both thinking personality types, neither the ENTJ nor the ISTP are likely to become overly emotional while discussing sensitive or potentially troublesome subjects; this will serve the ENTJ/ISTP couple well as they navigate the vast differences in their values and personalities.
ENTJs and ISTPs value logic and objectivity and are willing to at least attempt to see from their partner’s perspective. When problems arise, both types tend to employ reason to solve them. There is some mismatch in how these types approach potential problems, though. ENTJs prefer to confront issues immediately and head-on, lest they worsen; ISTPs, on the other hand, tend to avoid discussing thorny subjects, often preferring to leave them on a back burner until dealing with them becomes a necessity.
HOW DO THEY BUILD TRUST?
ENTJs want to trust people but are often reticent; like their ISTP counterparts, they value independence and would rather count on themselves than others to accomplish something. ENTJs can and will trust others, but only after vetting them for reliability.
ISTPs tend to be private, independent personality types; as such, they can be reticent to place too much faith in others, preferring to rely on themselves. This isn’t to say that ISTPs cannot trust; they tend to build trust slowly compared to some other Myers-Briggs personality types.
IV. ENTJ AND ISTP FRIENDSHIPS
Though quite different personality types, ENTJs, and ISTPs have the potential to be good friends. As with the ENTJ/ISTP romantic relationship, the ENTJ/ISTP friendship isn’t likely to grow from a single encounter. It often takes a mutual hobby about which they are passionate, intense physical attraction, or even being forced to work together to bring these two disparate types together.
ENTJ AND ISTP: APPROACH TO FRIENDSHIP
ENTJs are sometimes mischaracterized as heartless, “captain of industry” types, but to do so is a mistake. This outgoing and energetic personality type desires to get to know their friends well; they relish the intellectual challenge of a fierce but friendly debate and often form friendships with those who spark their intellectual interest.
Tending to be quiet and reserved, ISTPs tend to make friends with people with shared interests and with whom they interact organically. Unlike the extroverted ENTJ, the ISTP is unlikely to see social engagements as an opportunity to form meaningful friendships.
ENTJ AND ISTP FRIENDSHIP DYNAMICS
The ENTJ/ISTP friendship may seem unlikely, but there are plenty of reasons these two personality types can make good friends. For example, the ENTJ can remind their ISTP partner to engage more socially, while the ISTP will show their ENTJ friend the value of some quiet time for reflection.
WHAT MAKES THEM GOOD FOR EACH OTHER AS FRIENDS?
ENTJs and ISTPs can be good for one another as friends for many reasons. If they can get past their initial differences, this couple can learn much from one another and grow as a result. For example, the ENTJ partner can show the ISTP the value of a greater degree of structure, while the ISTP can remind the ENTJ of the benefits of some flexibility.
COULD THEY BE CLOSE FRIENDS?
Despite their vastly different personality types, ENTJs and ISTPs have the potential to become close friends. Partners in a healthy ENTJ/ISTP pairing will capitalize on their many differences, seeing them not as obstacles but as opportunities for growth and a greater depth of understanding.
WHAT ARE SOME AREAS THAT MIGHT CAUSE THEM PROBLEMS AS FRIENDS?
ENTJs and ISTPs have the potential to be excellent friends, but there are plenty of areas that may cause them problems. Communication, social needs, and organization are all likely to present challenges to the ENTJ/ISTP friendship.
These two personality types have very different approaches to communicating, which is likely to cause some misunderstandings early in the friendship. Once each friend is familiar with and has adjusted to the other’s communication style, these misunderstandings should come much fewer and farther between.
ENTJs and ISTPs have different tolerances for socializing and for disordered environments. Both friends will have to make some concessions to the other in these areas for the ENTJ/ISTP friendship to flourish.
