ESFJ Compatibility: Romantic Relationships, Love, and Dating

ESFJs are well-liked and warm-hearted people who place a tremendous amount of importance on their relationships. They tend to attach their happiness to the well-being of those around them. ESFJ personalities are serious about their commitments and will often neglect themselves to take care of others. It is not a stretch to say that interpersonal connections are the central part of an ESFJ’s life.

Best Match for an ESFJ

The best match for an ESFJ personality is the ISFP: the relationship works because both personality types have sensing and feeling traits. Both ESFJ and ISFP partners like to share their emotions. Each member of the couple focuses on the here and now.

Both are responsible people who honor commitments and place importance on relationships. While the ESFJ tends to be charismatic, the ISFP has a reserved nature. These differences are not necessarily problematic as long as both partners try to give the other what they need.

Worst Matches for an ESFJ

An ESFJ’s worst match is the INTJ. The ESFJ enjoys socializing and connecting with others. INTJs are just the opposite, and they need a significant amount of space and solitude. Additionally, ESFJs focus on the present and have little regard for the abstracts that delight an INTJ.

Both personalities are judging, so stubbornness will also play a role in complicating the partnership.

Compatibility Chart for the ESFJ

Best Match Good Match Poor Match Worst Match

ESFJ Relationships

What an ESFJ Looks for in a Relationship

ESFJs put a great amount of effort into their relationships. They are naturally caring people who thrive when everyone around them is doing well. However, ESFJ personality types tend to be emotionally needy and look for affirmation from their significant other.

Conflict and negativity are exceptionally upsetting for an ESFJ. They take criticism to heart and tend to view a single negative comment as an affront to their entire existence.

What an ESFJ Needs in a Relationship

ESFJs thrive on the wellbeing of others and do all they can to keep their partner as happy as possible. They expect that their significant other will reciprocate and are unhappy if they do not.

Affirmation is critical for ESFJs. If they do not receive recognition for their efforts, the ESFJ will frequently angle to get compliments.

Because an ESFJ is serious about honoring their commitments, they require their partners to show the relationship the same diligence.

What an Ideal Relationship for an ESFJ Looks Like

In an ideal relationship, the ESFJ will feel appreciated by their mate. Additionally, the partner of an ESFJ will do well to return the actions and commitment they receive from their significant other.

A partner who enjoys a good time and likes to socialize will make their ESFJ happy and content. Additionally, appreciating traditions and family are essential to ESFJs, so a partner who shares these values is a good match.

Constructive criticism and negative comments have no place in an ideal ESFJ relationship. This is because they take any negativity to heart, and it can wound them.

How an ESFJ Acts in Relationships

ESFJs will neglect their own wellbeing in order to keep their significant other happy. They enjoy socializing but also value one on one time with their mate. ESFJs need a considerable amount of affirmation from partners and will resort to hunting for compliments if their partner does not freely affirm them.

An ESFJ will be loyal and honor their commitments, but they expect the same level of devotion from their partner. They are distressed by conflict and avoid it as much as possible, and negative comments wound ESFJs.

What a Bad Relationship for an ESFJ Looks Like

Hallmarks of a bad relationship for an ESFJ include:

  • Conflict
  • An absence of affirmation and appreciation
  • Criticism (even if it is well-meaning)
  • A lack of interest in socializing
  • Disregard for commitments
  • Placing no importance on keeping up appearances

ESFJ Love and Romance

Because ESFJ personality types are warm and caring, they make great romantic partners. They adhere to their promises and commitments and are looking for a true partner as opposed to a quick fling.

ESFJ Males in Love

The ESFJ male will put everything he has into a romantic relationship. He prefers to have someone he can count on to plan a future and will work hard to maintain his relationships.

Their partners will enjoy the ESFJs’ tendency to look after their happiness. While ESFJ men often come across as flirty, they are committed to their partner and likely are just being friendly. This can become a problem if the ESFJ’s significant other tends to become jealous.

ESFJ men are more fragile than they seem and need affirmation and appreciation for all they do for their partner. They are wounded easily by criticism, and an offhanded negative remark can cause deep pain.

ESFJ Females in Love

The ESFJ woman is a born nurturer, and caring for those she loves is as natural (and vital) for her as breathing. She falls hard when she falls in love and will put a tremendous amount of energy into making the relationship work.

An ESFJ female enjoys bringing her partner into her wide social circle. Although she may seem flirty, she will honor her commitment to her significant other.

She is the partner who meets her mate’s needs, sometimes before a need arises. While she likes to appear to have everything under control, an ESFJ woman craves affirmation and appreciation.

Her warmth and caring disguise a delicate heart easily wounded by negativity and criticism. While she is happy to pour herself out for the benefit of her partner, the ESFJ woman expects the same devotion in return.

How an ESFJ Knows They are in Love

Typically, the ESFJ gradually figures out they are in love. They are traditionalists and usually form a friendship first before exploring romantic inclinations.

The ESFJ is not likely to leap into a relationship, and they prefer to not show interest in a person until they understand the person. Instead of a direct approach, the ESFJ may playfully tease their potential partner to see how they react. Once in love, the ESFJ gives all they can to please their partner and make the relationship last.

How an ESFJ Shows Love

ESFJs express their love in several ways. They will do just about anything to make their partner happy, which covers many territories.

They will put significant effort into knowing and meeting their partner’s needs and wants. ESFJs are deeply committed to their significant others and love to cast a spotlight on them.

ESFJ Love Language

ESFJ personality types tend to thrive when offered words of affirmation and quality time with their partner. They expend a great deal of energy caring for their significant other and need appreciation and affirmation in response. As social creatures, ESFJs enjoy being with their mate one on one as well as in social situations.

Does an ESFJ Fall in Love Easily?

The ESFJ does not fall in love easily, but when they find someone they care for, they fall in love hard. They show this love by showering their potential partner with care and devotion.

How to Make an ESFJ Fall in Love

While you cannot force someone to love you, here are some traits the ESFJ personality generally finds attractive.

  • A positive outlook
  • The ability to express gratitude and appreciation
  • Maintaining a good outward appearance
  • Willingness to reciprocate kindnesses
  • Enjoying social situations
  • Respect for values and traditions
  • A uniqueness apart from the norm
  • The ability to open up and share one’s innermost self
  • A sense of fun

How to Love an ESFJ Long Term

Because ESFJs crave loving, long-term relationships, they will put all of their efforts into creating one with their beloved. Here are a few ways to help forge a life-long bond with the ESFJ:

  • Express appreciation and admiration consistently
  • Join the ESFJ at social gatherings
  • Encourage self-care
  • Do things to help the ESFJ even without being prompted
  • Be gentle and sparing with critical comments

Is an ESFJ Romantic?

When taken with someone, the ESFJ is quite romantic. They are caring and warm individuals by nature. Once in love, the ESFJ will focus their devotion on a partner and nearly worship them.

Is an ESFJ a Good Lover?

Because ESFJs’ primary focus in life is to make those they love happy, they put their energy and enthusiasm toward their partner’s sexual pleasure and fulfillment. While not overly adventurous by nature, the ESFJ will often try new things in an effort to please their significant other. In many ways, an ESFJ derives a considerable amount of their sexual pleasure from making their partner happy.

ESFJ Dating

Dating is not merely a fun way to pass the time to an ESFJ personality type. They are not looking for casual flings or one night stands, as their goal is a secure long-term relationship with a loving partner.

What Type of Person does an ESFJ Usually Date?

Being very sociable individuals, the ESFJ finds all types of people engaging. However, when it comes to being drawn to someone for a potential relationship, the ESFJ looks for someone who stands out from the norm.

ESFJs enjoy people with a spark or a passion within them. Uniqueness and a touch of the unexpected definitely grab an ESFJ’s interest. Also, ESFJs tend to enjoy those who can be open and share their inner selves.

ESFJ personality types do not usually enjoy casual relationships and are unlikely to be a part of such an arrangement. Because of this, they tend to look for people who are open to a serious commitment.

What Type of Person SHOULD an ESFJ date?

ESFJs do well when dating other sensing personality types. This helps both partners with communication since they are coming from similar viewpoints.

Partners who are extroverted go well with ESFJs. There is no need to cajole a partner into leaving the house when social gatherings energize both.

The ESFJ needs someone who freely shows admiration and appreciation while not being excessively critical or negative.

Dating an ESFJ

ESFJ personality types usually bring a good amount of fun to the relationship. They are naturally social and enjoy bringing their significant others into their social circles.

Ushering a mate into family gatherings is also something that ESFJs enjoy. They are traditionalists and strive to create harmonious relationships where everyone is happy. In families, this can be difficult and can lead the ESFJ to a great sense of despair if their beloved and their family clashed with each other.

As natural caregivers, ESFJs will often look after their mate’s needs at the expense of their own, which can cause difficulties over time. At times, the ESFJ’s devotion to their mate may seem to approach the quality of worship, which can unsettle some partners.

They like to show off their partner and cast them in the best light possible. Their need to be affirmed by others can push an ESFJ to focus on outward appearances and unrealistic expectations.

Having an ESFJ Boyfriend

An ESFJ boyfriend will nearly worship his partner and go to great lengths to please them. ESFJ men are committed to their relationships and are not known for infidelity. Because they are more sensitive than they appear, they need admiration and affirmation on a regular basis.

The ESFJ man will bring his partner into his social circles and proudly display them in a way that is close to worship. He avoids conflict and negativity and is highly image-conscious.

Having an ESFJ Girlfriend

Those who have an ESFJ girlfriend will experience an enormous amount of loving care. ESFJ women are natural caregivers and gladly expend vast amounts of time and effort to maintain a good relationship. ESFJs are devoted and serious about those they love.

However, the ESFJ woman expects affirmation and admiration from her partner for her many acts of love and care. She is also easily hurt by critical remarks or negativity. She will take these types of comments to heart and may become depressed.

ESFJ Compatibility Matches


A relationship between an ESFJ and an ENFJ can be successful if a few things are kept in mind. These are similar personality types; they are both very caring and emotionally sensitive, so they will generally both be well provided for. However, ENFJs tend to take center stage even more strongly than ESFJs, which can lead to conflicts over space in this relationship.