ESTP and ISFP: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance
The energetic ESTP and the creative ISFP make a unique pair. These two types are very different but have enough similarities between them to help make their relationship work. Their differences can lead to mutual growth, but patience and maturity are required from both parties in the relationship to yield this positive result.
I. Compatibility
Generally, ESTPs and ISFPs have the potential to build a supportive and mutually-beneficial relationship. When these two types meet, it’s likely that they may feel either a strong attraction or a strong repulsion to each other. For both types, connecting with others is a serious matter, but while ISFPs seek close emotional connections, ESTPs are fine with shallow connections that are just built on having fun and enjoying good conversations.
Summary Chart: ESTP and ISFP Compatibility vs. Possible Conflicts
| Compatibility: | Possible Conflicts: |
| They can inspire each other to grow in beneficial ways | ESTPs are blunt, while ISFPs are sensitive |
| Both are practical types | ESTPs are direct, while ISFPs are passive |
| They balance each other out | ESTPs need more socializing than ISFPs |
3 Reasons Why ESTP and ISFP Are Good for Each Other
Three reasons why ESTPs and ISFPs can be good for each other are the following:
- They can help each other grow.
- They are both practical people.
- They can balance each other out.
ESTPs are action-oriented. They’re all about doing rather than just thinking about it. They love to socialize with others and enjoy having intellectual conversations. ISFPs are more introspective, and they often are very creative. When inspired or motivated, ISFPs can be very hard-working individuals who won’t stop until they’ve achieved whatever they aimed to accomplish.
From ISFPs, ESTPs can learn the importance of emotionally connecting with others and being more introspective. While ISFPs can learn from ESTPs how to be more rational and self-assured. ESTPs can also help ISFPs step outside of their comfort zones.
Because they are so quiet, sensitive, and creative, many people assume that ISFPs are practical, but they can actually be quite resourceful. ESTPs also are very resourceful, and they are more analytical than they often appear.
To many, ESTPs come across as impulsive and short-sighted. And while that may be true for some, especially when they’re younger, there’s often more to the decisions and actions that ESTPs make and do than what appears on the surface.
Like ISFPs, ESTPs have Extraverted Sensing (Se) and Introverted Intuition (Ni). ESTPs’ Ni often gives off the illusion that the decisions that ESTPs make and the actions that they do are made and done without reason as ESTPs regularly rely partially on their intuition even more than they may be aware of.
However, unlike ISFPs, ESTPs also have Introverted Thinking (Ti) in their cognitive functions stacks. With the addition of this trait in their stack, ESTPs are able to combine their intuition with the sensory information they take in and use their Ti to logically think through what they think would be the best decision or course of action for them.
Because ESTPs have dominant Se, this process is done very quickly which makes their actions and decisions look more spontaneous than they actually are.
Since both ESTPs and ISFPs have Se and Ni, they’re able to understand these aspects of each other well; And thanks to the ESTP’s Ti, when these two types work together, they can achieve a lot as their decisions will be guided by both of their intuitions and the ESTP’s analytical skills.
ESTPs and ISFPs can balance each other out in other ways as well. The energetic and sociable ESTP can add fun and more dynamism to the ISFP’s life, and the calm and sensitive ISFP can increase the warmth and amount of love in the ESTP’s life.
3 Reasons Why ESTP and ISFP Are Not Good for Each Other
ESTPs and ISFPs may not be good for each other because of the following three reasons:
- The ESTP’s bluntness may hurt the sensitive ISFP’s feelings.
- The ESTP’s directness may clash with the ISFP’s passiveness.
- The ESTP’s and the ISFP’s different energy levels and socialization needs may exhaust each partner.
ESTPs are blunt individuals. They are quick with their words because they don’t want to waste time talking if it could be better spent doing something else. ESTPs also have their feeling function, which is Extroverted Feeling (Fe), lowest in their cognitive functions stack, so they are more thoughtless when it comes to their own and others’ feelings.
ISFPs have dominant Introverted Feelings (Fi), so their feelings are usually front and center for them, and they are sensitive people. ISFPs often take things personally, even if no malice was meant in another’s actions or words. The ESTP’s sharp speech and blunt way of communicating can come across as cold, harsh, and hurtful for ISFPs.
With time, the ESTPs may grow tired of the ISFP taking what they say or do personally, and the ISFP may come to resent that the ESTP doesn’t take their feelings into consideration.
The ESTP may think the ISFP is selfish, while the ISFP may feel like the ESTP is brusque.
Additionally, ESTPs are typically very direct individuals while ISFPs usually are more passive. While ESTPs have no problem “telling it like it is,” ISFPs prefer to avoid conflict or stating their opinion on certain matters until they are able to process everything in their heads.
To the ESTP, the ISFP’s passiveness and need to think things through before handling conflicts comes across as avoidance and childish or selfish behavior, while the ISFP may feel like they’re being bulldozed over by the ESTP’s desire to deal with things before they are ready to. Also, the ISFP may be put off by the ESTP’s pushiness to state their opinion, even sometimes at the expense of the ISFP having the opportunity to state their mind once they are willing and able to.
ISFPs are one of the most sensitive types, and they may regularly feel intimidated by ESTPs’ brusqueness.
Finally, because ESTPs are so energetic and active, introverted ISFPs may grow exhausted by them as ESTPs have the tendency to deplete the energy of introverts, especially when they are particularly hyper.
On the other hand, ESTPs too may feel exhausted by the ISFP’s introversion and reservedness. They may feel like the ISFP is boring and drains their energy by ruining their fun mood.
Also, the ESTP and the ISFP may want to socialize more or less than the other respectively, and they may wish the other one was more fun or gave them more space.
Communication
Both ESTPs and ISFPs are sensors with Introverted Intuition (Ni) in the lower halves of their cognitive function stacks. As a result, both types prefer communicating about more tangible and real topics rather than abstract things.
ESTPs and ISFPs differ in how they communicate about these things: ESTPs, who have Introverted Thinking (Ti) as their auxiliary function, typically communicate more rationally. They usually hold more value in thoughts that are logical and objective. ISFPs, however, are dominant introverted feelers, so when they communicate, the words they use are more emotional and subjective. Additionally, the opinions they hold are guided more by their own subjective feelings rather than by reason or objective logic.
Where are they strong and why?
ESTPs and ISFPs are strong in their shared resourcefulness and use of Se and Ni. They both also pay close attention to details, and neither of them are big-picture thinkers. This shared trait means that when making plans or coming up with ideas, they are less likely to miss out on taking the important small details into consideration.
Where do they have problems and why?
ESTPs and ISFPs have problems with their different communication styles: the ESTP’s sharp and direct objective approach vs the ISFP’s soft and passive subjective approach.
Additionally, when problems do arise, the ISFP may keep their feelings to themselves first and bottle them up, expecting the ESTP to just “get” what’s wrong with them through intuition and mind reading. This behavior may frustrate the ESTP, who will likely wish that the ISFP was more straightforward and honest about their feelings.
Also, while both ESTPs and ISFPs being sensors who notice the small details can be helpful, it can also be a disadvantage for them as they may fail to take the big picture into consideration and may miss the forest for the trees.
How might they improve communication?
ESTPs and ISFPs can improve communication if the ESTP learns to be more patient with the ISFP and the ISFP learns to speak up more. Also, the ESTP will need to soften their speech more for the ISFP, and the ISFP will need to grow thicker skin and understand that the ESTP isn’t always trying to personally offend them. That’s just how they communicate.
Where do they connect? Why?
Where ESTPs and ISFPs connect is in the fact that they both tend to be laid-back types who don’t do much future planning. Instead, both ESTPs and ISFPs tend to act more in the moment compared to other types.
ESTP & ISFP: Values
Both ESTPs and ISFPs have strong values.
3 Things an ESTP Values
ESTPs often value the following three things:
- Spending time with others
- Freedom and flexibility
- Living in the moment and experiencing new things
3 Things an ISFP Values
3 things ISFPs often value include the following:
- Harmony in relationships and emotionally connecting with others
- Freedom and flexibility
- Individuality
How do their values match up?
Both ESTPs and ISFPs value connecting with others but in different ways. ESTPs just like spending time with others, while ISFPs value emotionally connecting with others and having harmonious relationships with other people.
ESTPs and ISFPs both also value having the freedom and flexibility to do things as they wish.
Love Language/Love Style
Both ESTPs and ISFPs have Physical Touch and Quality Time as two of their top love languages.
Ways ESTPs Show Their Love
ESTPs show their love by doing the following things:
- Being enthusiastic towards their partner and their partner’s hobbies and interests
- Being caring of and attentive toward their partner
- Being supportive and protective of their partner
Ways ISFPs Show Their Love
ISFPs show their love in the following ways:
- Being attentive toward their partner
- Being supportive of and affectionate toward their partner
- Being committed and loyal to their partner
ESTP and ISFP in Bed
Both ESTPs and ISFPs are sometimes open to experimenting in bed. For ESTPs, sex may be more emotionally detached than it is for ISFPs.
II. ESTP and ISFP Couples/Marriage
How well-matched are they in a long-term romantic relationship?
ESTP Male and ISFP Female
The ESTP male may not be as emotionally open and forthcoming as the ISFP may want. He may be too straightforward with his words and actions, and the ISFP female may feel intimidated by him at times.
The ESTP male may think the ISFP female is too wishy-washy when making decisions at times, while the ISFP female may feel like the ESTP male is too hard-headed sometimes.
ISFP Male and ESTP Female
The ESTP female may appreciate how kind and supportive the ISFP male is. The ISFP male may be less direct in conflicts and the ESTP female may have to take control of those tough conversations.
The ISFP male may be very loyal to his ESTP female partner, while the ESTP female may encourage him to go after his goals.
III. ESTP and ISFP Conflicts
Conflicts are a part of any relationship, and that remains true for ESTP and ISFP relationships as well.
Possible Areas of Conflict (and Why)
Conflicts may occur for the following reasons in ESTP and ISFP relationships:
Communication – ESTPs and ISFPs communicate in different ways which may clash with each of their personalities.
Energy levels – ESTPs and ISFPs have different energy levels and they may each drain the other person.
Shared values – Both ESTPs and ISFPs value having freedom and flexibility in their schedules. This means that some everyday practical matters that may need to be taken care of may be neglected by both partners and neither of them may want to do them. They may also find themselves late to appointments a lot as well.
How do they resolve conflict?
- They can resolve their communication issues by being more mindful of their differences and understanding of each other.
- They can resolve their issues surrounding their different energy levels by being understanding that they have different needs and by compromising on when they will socialize and when they will give each other space.
- They can resolve the issues that can result from their shared values of having freedom and flexibility but deciding on who will be responsible for what in their household or relationship.
How do they build trust?
- ISFPs are more likely to trust ESTPs who are more sensitive to their feelings and are willing to give them space and time alone.
- ESTPs are more likely to trust ISFPs who are more direct and avoid having strong emotional reactions to things.
IV. ESTP and ISFP Friendships
Thanks to their similarities and differences, ESTPs and ISFPs have the potential to be great friends and build a friendship based on getting each other out of their comfort zones and helping each other grow.
ESTP vs. ISFP: Approach to Friendship
ESTPs are more likely to approach ISFPs. They will be attracted to the differences in each of their personalities.
ESTP & ISFP Friendship Dynamics
The ESTP will likely do a lot of leading in the friendship, while the ISFP will be supportive of the ESTP and provide them with warmth and emotional comfort. The ESTP also will likely bring a lot of energy and fun ideas to the friendship.
What makes them good for each other as friends?
What makes ESTPs and ISFPs good for each other as friends is that they can balance each other out and help make each other more well-rounded individuals.
Could they be close friends?
Yes, ESTPs and ISFPs can be close friends. They are both down-to-earth and pragmatic and may enjoy how well they can work together as a team.
What are some areas that might cause them problems as friends?
What may cause them problems as friends is their different communication styles and the lack of structure their friendship may have.
