At first glance, the idealistic ENFJ and the logic-driven INTJ may seem an unlikely couple. The ENFJ and INTJ have more in common than meets the eye, though, and an INTJ/ENFJ relationship has the potential to be long-lasting and mutually satisfying.
Despite some significant differences, the INTJ/ENFJ couple has much potential for long-term happiness. Both believe the world can and ought to be changed for the better, both crave some degree of adventure, and they both value learning new things.
Summary Chart: INTJ & ENFJ Compatibility & Possible Conflicts
|Shared abstract style of communication||Different needs regarding socializing vs time alone|
|Both value discovering new ideas||INTJ may find ENFJ overly idealistic|
|Neither has a high tolerance for the mundane||ENFJ may find INTJ blunt or tactless|
|Both value organization||Different approaches to problem-solving|
Three Reasons Why INTJ and ENFJ are Good for Each Other
While INTJs and ENFJs are alike in many ways, their differences are what can potentially make them good for one another. In a healthy relationship, the INTJ and ENFJ can benefit each other significantly.
- INTJ can temper ENFJ’s idealism with logic
- ENFJ reminds INTJ of the importance of people and their feelings
- ENFJ may help INTJ become more social
ENFJs are energetic idealists. They tend, despite their sterling intentions, when formulating plans to get a bit ahead of themselves. The INTJ partner can help their sometimes overreaching counterparts temper their grandiose visions with a dose of logic and point out the practical decisions that will need to be made along the way.
Conversely, the blunt, straight-talking INTJ can learn the value of a bit of tact from their more politic ENFJ partner.
Another reason INTJs and ENFJs can be good for one another is their introvert/extrovert dynamic. Initially, this difference in personality is likely to cause some misunderstanding, but once reconciled, both partners stand to gain from one another’s influence. The ENFJ can help coax their introverted partner into being a bit more social, while the INTJ can remind the ENFJ that constant socialization can be counterproductive.
Three Reasons Why INTJ and ENFJ are not Good for Each Other
Under healthy circumstances, the INTJ/ENFJ couple has the potential for long-term happiness. Some INTJ/ENFJ couples will not last the test of time, though. Here are some of the ways INTJs and ENFJs are less than compatible:
- They approach solving problems differently
- Different communication styles
- Extroverted vs introverted personalities
ENFJs, enthusiastic and extroverted as they are, prefer to deal with perceived problems right away. This can cause potential conflict, as the introverted, thinking INTJ tends to put off tough conversations both for harmony’s sake and to buy some time to think.
Though both tend to think abstractly, there are significant differences between the communicative styles of the INTJ and the ENFJ. It will take a degree of self-awareness, compromise, and a mutual willingness to understand one another for the INTJ and ENFJ to bridge their communicative differences.
The extroverted ENFJ and the introverted INTJ have very different needs regarding socialization versus time alone. Without an understanding of their partner’s different needs in this regard, the INTJ/ENFJ couple is bound to encounter at least a few misunderstandings.
The INTJ and ENFJ will likely find one another exciting and engaging conversationalists. As mentioned, both types share an abstract style of communication, preferring to discuss ideas to things. This couple will likely share conversations on philosophy, the arts, and current events.
Despite a shared love of discussing ideas, the INTJ and ENFJ have very different communication styles. It will likely take some compromise on the part of both partners to clear communicative hurdles.
Where are they Strong, and Why?
INTJs and ENFJs have different but often complementary communication styles that reflect their different values. INTJs can help their feeling ENFJ partners to be more assertive when the need arises, and ENFJs can remind their sometimes blunt partners to temper their messages with some diplomacy.
Where do they have Problems, and Why?
Communication trouble can arise between partners in an INTJ/ENFJ relationship for a few reasons. Sometimes the tell-it-like-it-is INTJ can seem overly blunt or even aggressive to their feeling partner. There’s also a chance the ENFJ may feel a need to fill every conversational lull, verbally overwhelming their less expressive INTJ partner.
Problems may also arise if the more expressive ENFJ assumes their partner’s silence means they agree. Often INTJs will take some time for silent deliberation before committing to an answer.
How can INTJ and ENFJ Improve Communication?
To improve communication between partners in an INTJ/ENFJ relationship, each partner must give some ground. The INTJ partner must remember that their feeling partner is continuously monitoring the tone of a given conversation and not needlessly “rock the boat.”
For their part, the ENFJ will have to curb their tendency to fill every gap in a conversation, lest they unwittingly push their less expressive partners out of the discussion. It is also important the ENFJ not misinterpret their INTJ partner’s silence for agreement.
Where do they Connect? Why?
Despite their differences, the INTJ/ENFJ couple can find plenty in common on which to connect. Both have a low tolerance for the mundane and will therefore look for ways to shake up the norm. As mentioned earlier, each enjoys discussing ideas and theories and will likely find one another interesting conversationalists.
INTJ and ENFJ: Values
Despite their many similarities, INTJs and ENFJs have some differences in what they value. The successful long-term INTJ/ENFJ relationship will require a certain degree of resolving to disagree peacefully and without undue judgment.
Three Things an INTJ Values
INTJs place a high value on innovation. Like their ENFJ counterpart, the INTJ believes the world can be improved by employing logic and reason. Unlike their ENFJ partner, the INTJ tends to focus on things and ideas rather than people.
INTJs are more interested in improving systems and technologies that affect people’s lives, rather than improving people’s lives directly. Independence is also highly valued by the introverted INTJ. They take great pride in being able to take care of their own needs.
Three Things an ENFJ Values
- People and their feelings
- Deep interpersonal relationships
Like INTJs, ENFJs believe the world can be improved through innovation and change. Unlike their partners, ENFJs focus primarily on people and their feelings, as opposed to more practical things. They seek deep, meaningful relationships with others and strive to understand what’s important to their friends and colleagues.
ENFJs place a high value on organization, a trait they share with their INTJ counterpart. They have a low tolerance for chaotic environments and appreciate the value of scheduling.
Both INTJs and ENFJs value intellectual stimulation, and are always looking to learn new things. This gives the INTJ/ENFJ couple an advantage in that they’re likely to enjoy many of the same entertainments and will probably have a mutual appreciation for each other’s hobbies.
How do their Values Match Up?
The thinking INTJ and the feeling ENFJ have significant differences in what they value, but they still share plenty of common ground in this area. Both value innovation, for example, and believe the world can and should, be changed for the better.
INTJs and ENFJs share a low threshold for disorganization, so this couple likely won’t have to argue over messy living space or whose turn it is to straighten up.
Love Language/Love Style
Different as their communication styles may be, there is significant overlap between the love languages of the INTJ and the ENFJ. Both tend to show their love more through action than words.
Ways INTJs Show their Love
An INTJ shows their love in the following ways:
- Sharing quality time
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
The introverted, thinking INTJ isn’t terribly comfortable discussing feelings, so they tend to show their affection in nonverbal ways. Acts of service and physical touch round out the INTJ love language, but sharing quality time is the big one. Introverts need time alone to rejuvenate, and sharing quality time is a significant concession for the INTJ.
Ways ENFJs Show their Love
An ENFJ shows their love primarily as follows:
- Spending quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
Though more expressive than their INTJ partners, ENFJs tend to show their love in primarily nonverbal ways as well. Spending quality time and performing acts of service are two ways the ENFJ expresses their affection.
Unlike the INTJ, ENFJs also use words of affirmation to show their love.
INTJ and ENFJ in Bed
The INTJ/ENFJ couple has the potential for an exciting and mutually satisfying sex life. Both partners in this couple consider their partners during sex; each wants the other to enjoy the experience as deeply as they do. Both the INTJ and ENFJ have passionate, intense sexual energy and can be attentive lovers.
INTJ and ENFJ Couples/Marriage
INTJ Male and ENFJ Female
This couple has much potential for long-term happiness, as long as the straight-talking INTJ male remembers to soften his messaging from time to time and consider people’s feelings. The more verbally-expressive ENFJ female must be careful, too, lest she monopolize conversations and be perceived as overbearing by her more deliberate partner.
INTJ Female and ENFJ Male
The INTJ female/ENFJ male couple also has good potential for success. The more verbally expressive ENFJ male must be careful not to unwittingly shut his partner out of discussions or mistake her silence for agreement.
With this pairing, there’s also the danger the INTJ female may see her ENFJ counterpart as overly sentimental or unable to make the emotionally-detached, logical decisions life sometimes demands.
INTJ and ENFJ Conflicts
Like all couples, the INTJ/ENFJ couple is bound to experience its share of conflict. Though generally thought of as highly compatible types, the INTJ and ENFJ will still have to navigate some misunderstandings and disagreements.
Possible Areas of Disagreement (and Why)
Generally speaking, conflict between partners in an INTJ/ENFJ relationship should be rare. When trouble does arise, it is often for one of the following reasons:
- Both tend to focus on “the big picture” sometimes at the expense of important details
- Misunderstandings can be caused by miscommunication
- Disagreements result from differences in values
When making plans, the INTJ and ENFJ tend to focus on the “big picture,” often neglecting to attend to the small but essential details. Such neglect is bound to lead to occasional disappointment, which can cause both partners to resent themselves and one another.
Especially early in the relationship, the INTJ and ENFJ will likely experience some degree of conflict due to their very different styles of communication. The over-expressive ENFJ can sometimes unwittingly shut their partner out of a discussion; they can mistake their partner’s silent deliberation for agreement which can lead to misunderstanding.
INTJs and ENFJs often find one another interesting and stimulating conversationalists. They both enjoy discussing ideas and will likely share an interest in the arts, current events, and the sciences. Often, though, these pleasant discussions will end in disagreement or frustration as the partner’s differences in values become apparent.
How do INTJ and ENFJ Resolve Conflict?
INTJs and ENFJs approach conflict resolution differently, but with a bit of compromise and a willingness to try and see from their partner’s perspective, the INTJ/ENFJ couple should be able to clear most hurdles that appear in their path.
ENFJs are sensitive to the emotional tone of their relationships and want to address any perceived conflict as soon as possible. While understandable, this tendency can make the more deliberate, thinking INTJ feel harried or pressured into addressing questions they haven’t thought through to their satisfaction.
How do INTJ and ENFJ Build Trust?
The extroverted, feeling ENFJ and the introverted, thinking INTJ have significantly different perspectives regarding trust. The outgoing and expressive ENFJ is much quicker to trust than their INTJ partner. Generally of an honest nature, ENFJs won’t distrust someone without good reasons, and they’re usually quick to forgive when someone commits a minor breach of trust.
INTJs, on the other hand, aren’t as quick to trust or forgive breaches of trust. Proudly independent, INTJs are reticent to place too much faith in another. For the INTJ, trust must be built over time and a series of shared experiences.
When INTJs experience a perceived betrayal, they take it very seriously indeed. Many INTJs develop trust issues if they experience such a breach of their trust.
INTJ and ENFJ Friendships
Widely regarded as highly-compatible personality types, INTJs and ENFJs have the potential to form long-lasting and mutually rewarding friendships. What’s more, these types can, under healthy circumstances, be good for one another as they each may benefit from the other’s perspective.
INTJ vs ENFJ: Approach to Friendship
Sometimes referred to as the “nurturing leader” type, ENFJs are influencers to whom people naturally gravitate; ENFJs are likely to have many friends, some very close. ENTFs are giving people, always quick to help a friend in need; unfortunately, the ENFJ can find themselves giving too much of themselves and not receiving enough in return. A close INTJ friend can help in this regard.
INTJs are sometimes thought of as loners, and while this is perhaps true in relation to the outgoing ENFJ, it doesn’t mean INFJs don’t value friendships. Because they’re more careful about trusting others, INFJs are likely to have a small number of close friends.
INTJ and ENFJ Friendship Dynamics
The introverted, thinking INTJ and the extroverted, feeling INTJ complement one another quite nicely. If the INTJ/ENFJ friendship can weather a few inevitable misunderstandings due to their different communication styles, they have much to learn from one another.
INTJs and ENFJs can make excellent teams, as each’s personality acts as a governor for the other’s more extreme traits. For example, INTJs can forget the importance of people and their feelings when making plans; an ENFJ friend won’t let that happen.
Conversely, ENFJs tend to become excited about an idea before considering its logical implications. An INTJ friend can be invaluable to the ENFJ who finds themselves in this position.
What Makes INTJ and ENFJ Good for Each Other as Friends?
Tempering one another’s more extreme personality traits is only one way the INTJ and ENFJ are good for one another as friends. They can also benefit from their introvert/extrovert dynamic.
While the INTJ may sometimes find the ENFJ’s energy exhausting, the ENFJ may, at times, feel they have to persuade their INTJ friend to participate. As the friendship develops and each learns more about the other, these differences can be beneficial.
Can INTJ and ENFJ be Close Friends?
With all they have in common, and the often complementary nature of their differences, INTJs and ENFJs have the potential to be very close friends. Both tend to be loyal and adventurous, traits bound to keep this friendship active and exciting for both partners.
What are some Areas that Might Cause them Problems as Friends?
Every friendship will have to deal with some degree of strain, and this is true for the INTJ/ENFJ friendship. Different values, communication styles, and needs for socialization versus alone time are all areas that might cause the INTJ/ENFJ friendship problems.
INTJs and ENFJs have a shared tendency to view the overall picture, sometimes neglecting small but crucial details. An INTJ/ENFJ friendship has a better chance for success if one or the other partner recognizes this potential pitfall and makes a point of attending to the details.