Considering their vast personality differences, one might think that ENFJs and INTPs are incompatible personality types; in fact, many ENFJs and INTPs form and maintain long-term, healthy relationships. Successful ENFJ/INTP couples see their differences not as obstacles but as stepping stones leading to better versions of both partners.
Though not generally considered highly compatible Myers-Briggs personality types, ENFJs and INTPs are well-positioned to bring out the best in one another. Each type brings to the table perspectives and values that can broaden the other’s perspective and contribute to their personal growth.
SUMMARY CHART: ENFJ AND INTP COMPATIBILITY VERSUS POSSIBLE CONFLICTS
|ENFJs and INTPs both value change||ENFJs are values-driven, while INTPs are logic-driven|
|These types have different, but potentially compatible communication styles||These types have different communicative styles|
|ENFJs and INTPs tend to be intellectually curious||ENFJs and INTPs have different tolerances for disordered environments|
|These personality types share a distaste for the mundane||
THREE REASONS WHY ENFJs AND INTPs ARE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER
Though different in many ways, ENFJs and INTPs can benefit one another. Some of the ways ENFJs and INTPs are good for each other are:
- A shared tendency toward abstract thought
- ENFJs and INTPs share a passion for positive change
- Though different, the communication styles of ENFJs and INTPs can be complementary
ENFJs and INTPs both tend to communicate in the abstract; they prefer discussing ideas over things. These types also share a passion for positive change, though the thinking INTP and feeling ENFJ may disagree on what needs to be changed and how.
Though they share a tendency to discuss the abstract, the way ENFJs and INTPs communicate is otherwise very different. ENFJs are more expressive than their INTP partners and usually do most of the talking in the relationship. The introverted INTP often falls naturally into the listener position, a role with which they are comfortable. Generally speaking, this dynamic serves the ENFJ/INTP couple well.
THREE REASONS WHY ENFJs AND INTPs ARE NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER
All ENFJs and INTPs will not, of course, be suitable for one another. Three reasons these types may not be good for each other are:
- ENFJs and INTPs use socializing for different purposes
- These personality types have different communication styles
- ENFJs and INTPs have different tolerances for disorganization
How much socializing a couple does can be a bone of contention between extrovert/introvert partners. Extroverts are energized by time spent with others, whereas the opposite is true for introverts. This mismatch between the extroverted ENFJ and the introverted INTP is a potential source of conflict between romantic partners of these types.
As mentioned above, extroverts and introverts usually fall into a workable communicative dynamic that suits them in most cases. Sometimes, though, the usual level of back-and-forth will prove insufficient, and both partners will have to compromise and adapt.
Another potential source of conflict between ENFJ and INTP partners is the type’s different tolerances for disorder. The ENFJ is more likely to be bothered by a cluttered or chaotic environment and will likely find themselves doing most, if not all, of the cleaning and straightening. Such conditions may quickly cause resentment.
Communication can be challenging for any couple; a couple with as many personality differences as the ENFJ/INTP pairing will have to make some concessions to one another’s communicative style if the relationship is to flourish.
WHERE ARE THEY STRONG, AND WHY?
As is typical with many extrovert/introvert couples, ENFJs and INTPs often find a comfortable, communicative groove that suits them quite well. Each partner gravitates to their natural strengths; the more communicative ENFJ does most of the talking, and the less-expressive INTP plays the role of listener.
WHERE DO THEY HAVE PROBLEMS, AND WHY?
The abovementioned communication dynamic serves the ENFJ/INTP couple well in most situations; there will be times when this comfortable dynamic will need to be interrupted, lest miscommunication result. During important discussions, for example, the INTP is likely to find they have more to contribute than usual and may have to set some boundaries lest they be verbally bulldozed by their more talkative partners.
HOW MIGHT THEY IMPROVE COMMUNICATION?
To improve communication, the ENFJ/INTP couple must be willing to occasionally step beyond what’s comfortable and make some concessions to their partner’s communicative style. For the ENFJ, this means giving their less expressive partners ample opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings; the INTP, for their part, will need to speak up, even when doing so may not be comfortable.
WHERE DO THEY CONNECT, AND WHY?
ENFJs can be attractive to INTPs because they are generally intelligent and likely have thought-provoking ideas, two things the INTP values highly. The thinking INTP may find the ENFJ a bit unconventional, but this, too, can be an attractive quality.
The INTP’s penchant for adventure and willingness to defy convention are likely traits attractive to the ENFJ. They are also likely to appreciate the thinking INTP’s more practical perspective.
ENFJ AND INTP: VALUES
Values are extremely important and personal to most people; they are indeed for ENFJs and INTPs. Partners in an ENFJ/INTP relationship will have to learn to live with a certain amount of values disagreement if they are to grow as a couple.
THREE THINGS AN ENFJ VALUES
- Structure and stability
- Social activity
- Positive change
Unlike their INTP partners, ENFJs highly value structure and stability. They like settling things beforehand and leave little wiggle room in their schedules.
As extroverted personality types, ENFJs value social interaction. They use socialization as a means of rejuvenating and generally prefer the company of others to solitude.
A passion for positive change is a value the ENFJ shares with the INTP. The ENFJ believes most things can and should be improved for all humankind’s benefit.
THREE THINGS AN INTP VALUES
- Intellectual stimulation
- Positive change
More than almost anything else, INTPs value freedom. This tendency manifests itself in many facets of the INTP’s personality, including their approaches to scheduling, making friends, and often their career choice.
Intellectual stimulation is also essential to the INTP. They love batting ideas about and appreciate people with whom they can engage in lively discussion, or better, debate.
Like their ENFJ partners, INTPs value change for the better. While the ENFJ is more likely to help others directly, the INTP looks to help others by solving practical problems.
HOW DO THEIR VALUES MATCH UP?
Though there is significant overlap, ENFJs and INTPs generally value different things. They both value positive change and adventure, but ENFJs are usually far more people-oriented than INTPs; this and other value mismatches must be carefully navigated for the ENFJ/INTP couple to thrive.
LOVE LANGUAGE/LOVE STYLE
Given their vast personality differences, one might think there would be little overlap in how ENFJs and INTPs show affection for their partners; in fact, these two types speak not only the same love language but the same dialect.
WAYS ENFJs SHOW THEIR LOVE
- Spending quality time
- Speaking words of affirmation
- Physical touch
Spending time with their partners is the number one way ENFJs show love. ENFJs are very social people who often have many friends; spending their time, which is in demand, is a significant gesture.
The second most popular way ENFJs show affection is by speaking words of affirmation, followed by physical touch.
WAYS INTPs SHOW THEIR LOVE
- Spending quality time
- Speaking words of affirmation
- Physical touch
The top three love languages of the INTP are the same as those of the ENFJ, though the two types’ personality differences make the gestures significant for different reasons. For example, spending quality time is significant to the INTP not because they are trading valuable time that could be spent socializing but because they’re spending valuable time that could be spent alone.
Speaking words of affirmation is also a significant gesture for an introverted personality type, perhaps more than for the usually-expressive ENFJ.
ENFJ AND INTP IN BED
The ENFJ’s tendency to focus on the needs of others often extends to the bedroom, where they generally make generous and attentive lovers. Like their INTP partners, ENFJs have passionate and intense sexual energy.
INTPs generally make exciting and adventurous lovers, though they sometimes have trouble ignoring their inner noise to focus entirely on the matter at hand.
II. ENFJ AND INTP COUPLES/MARRIAGE
HOW DO ENFJs AND INTPs MATCH UP IN LONG TERM ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
ENFJ MALE AND INTP FEMALE
ENFJs and INTPs aren’t generally considered highly compatible Myers-Briggs personality types, but that doesn’t mean they can’t form and maintain mutually fulfilling, long-term relationships. The ENFJ male/INTP female pair has significant potential for happiness, though there are potential pitfalls.
For example, problems may arise if the INTP female sees her feeling partner as overly-emotional or impractical. Conversely, trouble may also result should the ENFJ male find his thinking counterpart blunt or without tact.
ENFJ FEMALE AND INTP MALE
The ENFJ female/INTP male pairing also has a reasonable shot at success, though there is a danger the ENFJ may find her INTP partner overly direct or even aggressive. On the other hand, the INTP male may be frustrated by his feeling partner’s seeming aversion to practical solutions.
III. ENFJ AND INTP CONFLICTS
How a couple deals with conflict is perhaps the most significant factor in a relationship’s success. Healthy, successful ENFJ/INTP relationships must acknowledge the personality differences from which conflicts arise and learn to see them as opportunities for growth.
POSSIBLE AREAS OF CONFLICT (AND WHY)
When conflict does rear its head between partners in an ENFJ/INTP relationship, it is often for one of the following reasons:
- ENFJs and INTPs have different needs regarding socialization
- Logic-driven vs. values-driven personalities
- Different tolerances for disorganization
An ENFJ/INTP couple’s social calendar can cause conflict in the ENFJ/INTP relationship. If the ENFJ earmarks too much of their partner’s time, even with the other’s well-meaning consent, the INTP is apt to become emotionally exhausted and resentful. On the other hand, problems may also arise if the ENFJ feels they must always talk their partner into participating socially.
ENFJs are values-driven personalities, whereas INTPs are driven more by logic. This values mismatch can be troublesome, especially as these types are likely to agree on many overarching ideas only to find they disagree on the details.
Scheduling may also cause potential conflict between ENFJ and INTP partners. Having different tolerances for disorder, these types approach scheduling differently. INTPs place a high value on freedom, and their scheduling reflects that. ENFJs, on the other hand, tend to be more rigid schedulers, preferring things to be settled before the fact.
HOW DO THEY RESOLVE CONFLICT?
ENFJs and INTPs manage conflict differently. ENFJs want to address budding conflicts before they blossom into more significant problems; INTPs, on the other hand, tend to put off having potentially difficult conversations until doing so becomes a necessity.
HOW DO THEY BUILD TRUST?
ENFJs are generally compassionate, warm people who will give others the benefit of the doubt. Loyalty is extremely important to the ENFJ, though, and while they likely have many friendly acquaintances, they often have a smaller group of closer-knit friends who have proven trustworthy.
INTPs are generally more reticent to trust than their ENFJ partners. INTPs place a very high value on self-reliance and aren’t overly anxious to put trust in others too quickly or without cause. This doesn’t mean the INTP is incapable of trusting others, only that they aren’t as quick to trust as some other Myers-Briggs types.
IV. ENFJ AND INTP FRIENDSHIPS
ENFJs and INTPs share a passion for adventure and a distaste for the mundane; this, at the least, is the recipe for an exciting friendship. These two personality types are also likely to bond over a shared love of analyzing ideas and learning new things. As both types also value friendships highly, ENFJs and INTPs have the potential to make very good friends indeed.
ENFJ VERSUS INTP: APPROACH TO FREINDSHIP
ENFJs place a high value on friendships. Compassionate and outgoing, this personality type is a natural people-attractant; people are drawn to and want to be friends with them. ENFJs generally make valuable friends and tend to be loyal and dedicated companions.
INTPs generally don’t make friends as easily as their ENFJ partners; when they do, they seek out people with whom they feel an intellectual connection. When INTPs feel comfortable enough with someone to trust them, they can make supportive as well as adventurous, and fun friends.
WHAT MAKES THEM GOOD FOR EACH OTHER AS FRIENDS?
When ENFJs and INTPs form and maintain healthy friendships, each partner can benefit significantly from the relationship. The ENFJ can constantly remind the INTP of the importance of other people and their feelings; conversely, the INTP can help their feeling partners when situations demand a practical approach.
COULD THEY BE CLOSE FRIENDS?
ENFJ/INTP friends will have to make some concessions to one another’s personalities to make their friendship work, but that doesn’t mean they can’t become close friends.
WHAT ARE SOME AREAS THAT MIGHT CAUSE THEM PROBLEMS AS FRIENDS?
ENFJ/INTP friends will have to deal with many of the same potentially troublesome issues as ENFJ/INTP romantic partners. Differences in values, communication style, and social needs may all cause problems for ENFJ/INTP friends.