ENFJ and ESFJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance


Even though two determined people can, in theory, make a relationship work, regardless of personality traits, some partnerships are smoother by design. Here is a look at how the ENFJ and the ESFJ personalities mesh when the pair are attempting a relationship.

Overall Compatibility of ENFJ and ESFJ

ENFJs and ESFJs are very similar and therefore highly compatible in relationships. Their chief difference is that ENFJs focus on abstract principles, while ESFJs prefer to think in terms of known facts. Their differences in communication can create a rift, but these types can nonetheless have a vibrant relationship together.

Taking a look at the ENFJ and ESFJ personalities as a couple, the fact that they share many traits immediately stands out. As the following chart highlights, the couple diverges only in the area of information. This encompasses how an individual prefers to process information, and its two options are intuition and sensing.

Dichotomy Area ENFJ ESFJ
Focus Extraverted Extraverted
Information Intuition Sensing
Decisions Feeling Feeling
Structure Judging Judging

Communication

This table highlights the differences between how these two personality types communicate:

Communication Area ENFJ ESFJ
Focus Find the “Why” Find the “What”
Method Abstraction Factual Inquiry
Strengths Showing what could be Showing what is

There are three main potential communication problems for ENFJ and ESFJ:

  1. Not appreciating partner’s views because of how they explain themselves
  2. Feeling talked over or unheard
  3. Each partner clinging to their own communication style

Communication can be improved in these ways:

  1. Practice listening to your partner- This is important because both partners are excellent talkers who get energy from the spotlight. They each need to provide space for their partner to speak and feel heard
  2. Do not finish each other’s sentences- Even if you have heard the story many times and are positive, you know what is coming next; allow your partner to complete their thoughts. 
  3. Use your empathy- Both ENFJs and ESFJs are empathetic and emotionally intelligent. Use this skill to allow your partner space to speak their mind.

Seven ways ENFJ and ESFJ partners connect:

  1. Appreciation of beauty (inner and aesthetic)
  2. A desire for strong emotional bonds
  3. High emotional intelligence and empathy
  4. Need for order
  5. Vast ability to nurture others
  6. Natural ability to attract others
  7. Strong leadership skill

Energy

The ENFJ- ESFJ couple share highly compatible extraverted energy. Both enjoy being with people and are energized by interacting with others. This is especially true if the interaction includes the opportunity to help those they love.

The most significant conflicts with the couple’s energy would arise if they over-extended themselves in different directions, leaving no energy for their partner.

Values

While values are highly personal and influenced by internal and external experiences, couples tend to do well when their values align.

What are the Values of ENFJs and ESFJs and do they align?

ENFJ and ESFJ couples share some strong values.  

  • Both believe in helping and nurturing others
  • Both make time for family and friends
  • Both adhere to their commitments
  • Both understand the importance of emotions and have a strong sense of empathy and compassion

The most significant point of divergence within the values arises regarding how best to act on what each partner believes.

ENFJs tend towards idealism and put their passion towards sharing thoughts and possibilities for change.

ESFJs focus on practical ways to create positive change as opposed to ideas about change.

Love Languages 

It is not surprising that the love languages of this pairing are the same. Given that both ENFJ and ESFJ partners are nurturing, empathetic, and giving, the fact that quality time and words of affirmation are prioritized makes sense.

ENFJ Love Language

ENFJs feel loved when their partner sets aside quality time to focus on them. Additionally, words of affirmation (and appreciation) go a long way to make an ENFJ feel loved. Expressing gratitude towards an ENFJ partner should come easily because they focus on meeting their partner’s needs.

ESFJ Love Language

ESFJs share the love languages of quality time and words of affirmation with their ENFJ partners. These two areas are of great importance to a personality type so adept at giving and nurturing.

Sexual Relationship

Both ENFJ and ESFJ partners are sexually fulfilled when they are in a meaningful relationship. Each tends to focus on their partner and providing pleasure, so the act of sex is emotionally and physically engaging to each partner.

How well-matched are they? 

The couple is well-matched sexually. Neither finds casual sex gratifying on an emotional level. ENFJs and ESFJs are happiest when they are sharing pleasure with their significant other.

Where might they have problems?

The most likely area for sexual difficulties for the ENFJ and ESFJ couple is if unresolved emotional issues hamper the couple. Because both avoid conflict, buried feelings may surface as sexual dysfunction.

How important is the sexual part of their relationship to each other?

Both partners likely find sex to be an essential part of their relationship. Because both the ENFJ and the ESFJ are natural givers, sharing intimacy and giving pleasure to their partner is vital and gratifying on a physical and emotional level.

ENFJ and ESFJ Couples in Long-Term Relationships

Both the ENFJ and the ESFJ personalities are deeply caring and empathetic individuals. They strive to nurture and support those they love and are serious about their relationships. These qualities make a strong set of building blocks for a long-term relationship.

ENFJ Male and ESFJ Female

ENFJ males are often misunderstood. Their natural warmth and charm make them the center of attention and gather numerous individuals with romantic intentions. While the man is not trying to be flirtatious, his magnetism is often mistaken for romantic interest.

Once in a relationship, the ENFJ male is a committed and nurturing partner who sincerely wants the best for his partner. They break traditional male stereotypes of being poor listeners or shallow philanderers in search of their next conquest. They want a life-long love match and will do what is necessary to make that happen.

An ESFJ woman works to see those around her happy, and she will dedicate significant time and energy to make this happen. Their huge hearts are full of compassion, and they often struggle with guilt because they believe they are not doing enough to help those around them.

They want committed relationships instead of casual encounters and will go to great lengths to be supportive and loving partners. These traits can lead to burnout for an ESFJ woman who does not receive care and appreciation from those in her life.

This pairing has a great deal to offer each other in a relationship as each is gifted with high emotional intelligence and driven to care for others. Both partners will see the need for order in their home and gravitate to the energetic nature of their partner.

The couple should be aware of the dangers of overextending themselves as individuals, which can be a significant detriment to the relationship. While both partners enjoy activity, they would do well to find ways to spend couple time pursuing adventures together.

ENFJ Female and ESFJ Male

The ENFJ woman is one of the most compassionate and giving people you may ever meet. They have high emotional intelligence and are adept at understanding and feeling the emotions of others. This woman often brings positive energy to a gathering and can cheer those who are distressed.

An ENFJ woman is affectionate, warm, and passionate. She will defend those she loves and has excellent leadership skills that help her champion causes that are dear to her heart.

In a relationship, the ENFJ woman will gladly put her heart and soul into caring for her significant other. This can often come at the price of extreme burnout. The partner of an ENFJ woman should be alert to the risk of her wearing herself out for the benefit of others.

The ESFJ male is naturally curious about everyone around him. He prefers deep connections and genuinely cares about the thoughts and feelings of others. Because they get a great deal of satisfaction from helping others, ESFJ men’s actions may look like flirtations. In truth, ESFJ men crave depth in their relationships and are not likely to engage in casual relationships.

Once he is in a relationship, the ESFJ man will work to make his partner’s life as good as possible. Often, these men burn themselves out with their efforts to care for those they love. The ESFJ man will be open and loving with his partner, rejecting typical male stereotypes of aloofness or thinking only with hard cold logic. 

This pair does well together in relationships as they both truly care about others and possess excellent emotional intelligence and empathy, and nurturing tendencies. Each may be too willing to sacrifice their own desires for their mate’s good, and this couple should be careful not to bury needs and emotions from each other.

How Likely are ENFJ and ESFJ to have a Successful Marriage or Long-term Relationship?

Based on the couple’s mutual desire to make their relationship thrive, the ENFJ and ESFJ couple are highly likely to have a successful long-term relationship. However, there are a few points that lead to problems for this couple. It is best to pay attention to these and nip any potential problems in the bud.

  • Avoiding conflict and storing negative emotions
  • Intense disagreements because both parties need to be right
  • Wanting to resolve conflict so much that ideas are not thought through
  • A mutual love of speaking but not listening can leave one or both partners feeling unfulfilled
  • Large circles of friends with numerous needs can be draining, leaving little emotional energy for the significant others

ENFJ and ESFJ Areas of Conflict

All relationships have areas of conflict. Recognizing these and learning how to work through issues as a team will help your relationship thrive and grow stronger.

Possible Areas of Conflict between ENFJ and ESFJ: What and Why? 

Although the ENFJ and the ESFJ share many similar traits, the pair will (like all couples) have points of difference, and even their similarities can sometimes cause issues.

  • Both partners in this relationship are eager communicators. This can become a problem when each partner wants the floor, and they proceed to compete for attention.
  • ENFJ and ESFJ partners both love peace and harmony. This becomes problematic when the couple avoids difficult topics and chooses to sweep issues under the rug rather than work through problems.
  • Order and organization are priorities for both members of this couple. However, conflicts arise when partners differ on whose way is the right way to organize or maintain order.
  • The couple communicates differently, which can be problematic:
    • The ENFJ leans towards abstract and theoretical communications. They look for the meaning behind actions and base what they have to say on their perception of a situation. They may spend a great deal of time discussing why the family dog ran away; for instance, maybe the dog was frightened, or he saw a squirrel he could not resist chasing.
    • Conversely, an ESFJ wants to talk about concrete facts and the reality of what is happening. They are not interested in postulating about why the dog ran away. They want information that will help to help find the dog.
  • Partners in this relationship enjoy being active and having full social calendars. This can become an issue when a couple loses sight of each other in the mad dash through a series of outings, commitments, and gatherings. They should be sure to schedule time to focus on just each other.

How do they Resolve Conflict?

Because both partners value the relationship, they will work hard to resolve conflicts. Generally, the pair will need to move beyond their comfort zones of communication to find solutions to issues.

Showing proper respect to each other even if the communication styles are different is helpful to facilitate this. This often will require a good bit of compromise. For example, the ENFJ partner can take the lead on gatherings with their own family and vice versa.

How do they Build Trust?

All couples go about building trust in unique ways as each partner brings a unique personal history to the relationship. However, the ENFJ and ESFJ partners tend to feel safe and trusting when they see their partner adapt to meet them halfway. This is especially true in areas of communication where partners tend to talk over each other, communicate differently, and fail to identify with their significant other’s tendency towards the fact-based or the theoretical.

ENFJ and ESFJ Friendships

The odds of a strong friendship between the ENFJ and the ESFJ are high. Both personality types share comparable values and a natural ability to empathize with others. As with all friendships, there are some challenging elements to this pairing. However, that does not mean the two cannot be great friends.

How ENFJs Approach Friendship

You can depend on an ENFJ to be one of the friendliest and warmest people you ever meet. They have a natural ability to draw others into their circle and keep them there because of how adept they are at meeting other’s needs.

The ENFJ’s strong intuition helps them converse fluently with others. They can quickly assess another person’s feelings and can put themselves in another’s shoes easily. Generally, an ENFJ will make others near them feel better without trying.

While an ENFJ has many friends, they are usually picky about who they allow to become close. There are several keys to establishing and maintaining a close friendship with an ENFJ:

  • Understand and respect the ENFJ’s overarching principles
  • Share the ENFJ’s somewhat idealistic world view
  • Be dedicated to the growth of others in all facets of life

An ESFJ’s Approach to Friendship

ESFJ personalities typically make outstanding friends and tend to have large circles of friends from numerous walks of life. This personality type is known for being generous with their time and is energized by being with friends. The ESFJ loves having a large group of friends with whom they can share their life, and they are exceptionally devoted to those they count among their inner circle.

An ESFJ is charismatic, but not merely a fair-weather friend. They will not neglect or abandon those who are a part of their circle. Their high emotional intelligence allows the ESFJ to sense the emotions of others, and the typical ESFJ will then do whatever possible to help friends in distress.

One downfall of the continued need to give to others is that the ESFJ will eventually discover that their vast well of emotional resources has run dry. This is when an ESFJ needs to spend time taking care of themselves.

How are these Two Types as Friends?

Both ENFJs and ESFJs are kind and compassionate people who sincerely care about others. Both personalities value their friendships and will go the extra mile to help a friend.

Due to their similar values, close friendships often form between ENFJs and ESFJs.

They are reliable and dependable but still enjoy socializing. While they are not fond of intensely personal conversations, they are excellent sources of support for their friends and families.

If you are friends with these personality types, pay attention to make sure they are not avoiding the unpleasantries of life. Both personalities thrive in harmonious settings and tend to avoid issues that create conflicts.

Are ENFJs and ESFJs Suitable for Each Other as Friends?

Because of the many similarities between this paring, the ENFJ and the ESFJ are very suitable for each other as friends. The pair would likely enjoy adventures together, planned down to the last detail and financially organized to the last dime. Both ENFJ and ESFJ personalities are organized and have strong money skills.

ENFJs and ESFJs have a shared concern for others as well as a deep capacity for nurturing and supporting those around them. The pair are good at expressing feelings and have a strong ability to empathize with others

Could ENFJs and ESFJs be Close Friends?

ENFJ and ESFJ personalities can certainly be close friends, as they share many values and have similar manners of relating to people. Each would likely put a vast amount of energy into caring for and nurturing the other.

Once the ENFJ sees that the ESFJ shares similar ideals and places importance on the values and goals they share, they could likely become quite close.

What are some Areas that Might Cause Problems in a Friendship between an ENFJ and an ESFJ?

There are a few areas that have potential for causing disagreements between ENFJ and ESFJ friends:

  • Both tend to think they are correct
  • Each usually sees themselves as the leader
  • ENFJ and ESFJ personalities will help others even if it depletes their energy or jeopardizes their well being
  • The ENFJ and the ESFJ are committed to harmonious relationships. However, this means that they prefer to avoid unpleasant situations and can overlook essential things for the sake of peace.

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