ENFJ and INFJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance


The jovial ENFJ and the sensitive INFJ might make an unlikely pair. However, the two have more in common than you might think. Compassion, mutual interests in people and humanitarian efforts, and a shared desire to have meaningful heart-to-hearts are what they are all about.

Overall Compatibility of ENFJ and INFJ

Generally, ENFJ and INFJ have the potential to be a loving, mutually understanding match. They can become intuitively connected in an authentic relationship in which both strive to put each other first. For both types, relationships are a serious matter.

As ENFJs are inherently trustworthy, they want a loving partner who makes them feel secure. INFJs, on the other hand, are always seeking that soul mate who gets them better than anyone else. Together, their biggest strength is in their willingness to learn about each other and forge a profound connection.

Here are a few points that make ENFJ and INFJ compatible with each other: 

  • Both are empathic 
  • They value deep connection 
  • Interpersonal Communication 
  • Deep intuitive understanding

Here are some causes for conflict between these types:

  • ENFJ’s overcontrolling nature
  • INFJ’s overthinking and difficulty making decisions
  • ENFJ’s manipulation
  • INFJ’s judgement of ENFJ as shallow

3 Reasons Why ENFJ and INFJ Can be Good for Each Other

Being two sides of the same coin, there are several strong reasons why ENFJ and INFJ would be happy as a couple:

  1. Common desire to understand each other
  2. Strong in empathy
  3. Healthy interpersonal communication

ENFJ’s strong emotional senses can get a reading on INFJ’s locked down emotions, even at the first meeting. Over time, the two are able to understand each other, at times without even having to communicate.

Because of each one’s powerful empathy, there is a sense of safety in being vulnerable. With INFJ’s near-obsession of analyzing themselves and others, and ENFJ’s ability to match another and respond in the best way, they make a great team.

3 Reasons Why ENFJ and INFJ Can Have Problems Together

Obviously, not every ENFJ-INFJ relationship is successful. Here are some reasons why ENFJ and INFJ might not be compatible.

  1. INFJs can love too much too fast, while ENFJs tend to be more comfortable giving more so than receiving.  
  2. It can take the ENFJ much time and patience to truly get to the core of INFJ. 
  3. INFJ has a bad habit of “shutting the door” on people they care about.

As sensitive feelers, INFJs can sometimes believe they love others more than they will ever be loved. While ENFJs appreciate and welcome positive affirmations of love, they also are unfamiliar with being in receiving mode. ENFJs tend to be the caretakers, so they are used to doing as much as they can for loved ones.

Thus, an INFJ’s love can initially feel uncomfortable to ENFJ, leading INFJ to retract their own shows of love.

Similarly, it can take a while for ENFJ to get a glimpse of the real INFJ. Only the patient make might it that far. If not, the relationship wasn’t meant to be.

Finally, INFJ lives in a rich inner world. In that world, every person in life fits into a construct that helps them have a sense of control. When things don’t match up to their logically calculated constructs, they have a habit of withdrawing or cutting people off.

Communication

ENFJ’s dominant cognitive function, extraverted feeling (Fe), is also INFJ’s auxiliary function. That means that ENFJ communicates with the world by intuiting the general air – like reading the room. ENFJ is able to take in the emotions and state of many people at once and communicate appropriately.

Because of this radar, they are attuned to the INFJ’s sometimes mysterious state. The INFJ’s adaptability allows them to shifts into “masks” in different situations, including social. While it does tire them out, very rarely do people get a real understanding of who they are – by ENFJs are more likely to succeed in this because of their Fe.

Where are they Strong and Why?

Together, ENFJ and INFJ always consider each other’s needs and perspectives. Their ability to make others comfortable allows INFJs to express themselves more than usual.

Where do they have Problems and Why?

When it comes to confronting each other, INFJ would prefer to stall for as long as possible, mostly because they feel explaining themselves is a lot of pressure. INFJs prefer to sit on ideas, fleshing them out, then being about to communicate them all in an organized way, such as in writing.

ENFJs tend to be go-getters and leaders. ENFJs can become problem-solving for the moment, thinking they know the best option – without stopping to see other possibilities INFJ might bring up.

How Might they Improve Communication?

To improve communication, both must make some uncomfortable sacrifices. INFJ must let go of their assumptions about their ENFJ partner, no matter how accurate. Because they prefer to be a step ahead, INFJ considers all possibilities of a potential situation, before concluding that communicating would solve nothing.

Similarly, ENFJ must allow INFJs space and the time to formulate what they want to say. INFJ sees things from various angles – everything is nuanced, and they’d prefer to keep silent rather than make a generalized statement that doesn’t actually reflect their values.

Where do they Connect? Why?

Both INFJ and ENFJ thrive on their ability to stand out – in different ways, of course. INFJ tends to give an air of unique individuality, while ENFJ is at the focal point of the social groups.

Rather than using common interests as a relating factor, INFJ and ENFJ have a direct connection. Both are nurturers, empathetic, and understanding, with the ENFJ procuring excellent motivation while the INFJ provides wisdom.

Energy Levels: ENFJ and INFJ

ENFJs stand out: wherever they go, they are at the forefront of a group. The ENFJ is the one at the restaurant table that orders for everyone. They make everyone feel at ease with their balance of vibrant yet warm demeanor.

However, ENFJs aim to focus their energy as best they can, because they always have a lot of people and things to take care of.

INFJs have quiet, observant energy around them. Not ones to bounce around a room, INFJs can tire out quickly from constant external stimulation. That’s why most of their internal energy goes into how to best optimize life.

INFJs are built to create plans or predictions based on past observances and their strong intuition, to better navigate situations.

ENFJ & INFJ: Values

Based on what they likely focus on externally, ENFJ and INFJ have very strong values, particularly regarding the treatment of others and personal honor.

3 Things an ENFJ Values

  1. Taking care of others
  2. Relationships
  3. Unconditional love and selflessness

ENFJ is people-focused. They genuinely enjoy taking care of others, especially loved ones. They are eager to trust and create new relationships, usually for the feeling of interconnectedness and belonging.

As emotionally intelligent people, they are fantastic at interpersonal communication, making them leaders and executives in the workplace.

ENFJs rarely expect things in return. Because of being able to sense others’ discomfort or sadness, they cannot stand walking away without helping. Their power lies in this unconditional ability to step in at the right moment, making them everyday superheroes.

3 Things an INFJ Values

  1. Authenticity 
  2. Open, honest communication 
  3. Privacy

INFJs value realness. While they prefer the internal landscape of their mind, they view outward reality deeper than others might. INFJs have x-ray vision that sees through people’s facades. So when someone truly authentic comes along, they have much more connection and respect for them.

Their value of authenticity also shines through conversations. INFJs see the world in a multifaceted way, and the way they discuss concepts with others reflects this.

Preferring to refrain from making a holistic, narrow judgment about complex topics is their way of staying true to themselves. An INFJ can speak to two different people with opposing positions and still understand each one’s perspective.

Finally, INFJ’s sensitivity makes them hold on to their privacy. Often, others look down upon INFJ’s ideas or emotions, leading them to close off. After all, their personal thoughts are important to them, so they would rather fit in with others than reveal their true selves and risk backlash.

How do their Values match up?

Both INFJ and ENFJ value people and perception. They take great heed of observing others, but INFJ primarily values the concept of the human condition, while ENFJ is more interested in concrete human dynamics.

As a couple, INFJ and ENFJ are both incredibly perceptive of each other. This allows them to be careful about how they communicate and how they understand each other. Because INFJ can sense ENFJ’s altruistic nature, they are more likely to trust in them.

Love Language/Love Style

Although ENFJs are more used to giving than receiving, they are happy when their partner just spends time with them. As such, ENFJ’s main love language is quality time, with words of affirmations and physical touch following closely.

3 Ways ENFJs Show Their Love

An ENFJ shows love in the following ways.

  • Devotion to going far in a relationship 
  • Willingness to get into a conversation about emotions 
  • Acts of service

INFJ’s main love language is also quality time, making them a great fit for ENFJ. Being with their partner, providing and receiving attention, and getting deep into a conversation make INFJ feel loved.

3 Way INFJs Show Their Love

An INFJ tends to show love in the following ways:

  • Active listening 
  • Always observing their partner  
  • Being genuinely curious as to how their partner is doing

INFJs are brilliantly attentive listeners. Because of their patience, support, and genuine curiosity, they will stop what they are doing to hear their partner out.

In fact, INFJs take much of their time trying to figure out how another is thinking or feeling. All of their efforts go into making predictions based on their analysis.

Through observing their partner and taking notes, they compile the data to identify patterns. Later, they use this information to anticipate the needs of their partner.

Otherwise, INFJ will also ask their partner upfront how they are doing. The INFJ’s curious nature makes them sincerely want to know what their partner is thinking, feeling, how their day went, and anything else the other person is willing to discuss; luckily, ENFJs are happy to talk.

ENFJ and INFJ in Bed

Neither ENFJ nor INFJ sees intimacy or sex as purely physical activity. In a relationship, sex serves to bring them closer. ENFJs are just as giving in the sheets as they are in everyday life, from which they derive great pleasure. They prefer to take it slow and make the moment deep and sensual, which is perfect for the INFJ.

ENFJ and INFJ Couples/Marriage

How do these types Match up in a Long-Term Romantic Relationship?

ENFJ Male and INFJ Female

An ENFJ male can seem like an intimidating, social leader at first, but he really can be otherwise.

This couple has a lot of potential, so long as INFJ can give ENFJ a chance. Without depth and connection, an INFJ will feel isolated and misunderstood in a relationship.

As for the INFJ, their serious, piercing persona can feel overwhelming to ENFJ, who actually has trouble understanding his own feelings and self.

INFJ Male and ENFJ Female

Similarly, an INFJ male and ENFJ female can have a beautiful long-term commitment – as long as the INFJ withholds judgment about the ENFJ being superficial or fake, and the ENFJ female can somehow get under INFJ’s mask.

With enough time, both can learn to let down their defenses and become strong as a couple.

ENFJ and INFJ Conflicts

All relationships have conflict. While ENFJ and INFJ’s compassion and eagerness to understand each other lead to few arguments, there are some aspects that could cause problems.

Possible Areas of Conflict (and Why)

Conflict is actually rare, but it may be inevitable in some cases.

  • ENFJ can sometimes cross the line into controlling, causing the INFJ to withdraw. 
  • INFJ can get stuck overthinking, ruminating over negative things, or procrastinating on a decision, which bothers the problem-solving ENFJ. 
  • ENFJ can go out of their way to help INFJ, but it may feel fake or manipulative.

Under stress, ENFJ’s nurturing can manifest as controlling at times. With this, INFJ can too be stubborn inwardly but agree with the ENFJ externally to keep the peace. Over time, this can lead to compounded conflict.

Meanwhile, all the INFJ’s depth can manifest negatively as overthinking or passivity when making a decision. This can drive ENFJ crazy, and they will try to push INFJ into quickly choosing a solution. Thinking about all the possibilities in any given situation seems pointless to the results-driven ENFJ.

Because of that, ENFJ might stoop to unconsciously employing forms of manipulation. While it usually is with the intention of supporting others, it doesn’t bode well in a relationship with an INFJ. With INFJ’s ability to pick up on this immediately, they might misjudge it as the ENFJ being overcontrolling.

How do they Resolve Conflict?

An INFJ will attempt to cool the conflict down at the moment. Before it gets too far, ENFJ can learn to pause so that both have time to re-evaluate. Because the ENFJ would prefer to find a solution right there and then, most conflicts might not be handled properly.

At the same time, ENFJ can use their emotional intelligence to recognize INFJ’s negative emotions. Both should take a break, so the INFJ can withdraw to consider possibilities and reflect, while the ENFJ can slow down and try to see a different perspective of the situation. 

How do they Build Trust?

Because of their strong intuition, INFJ is able to gauge others’ general characters from the get-go. In other words, they can usually tell with whom they will get along.

That being said, they still have trouble trusting others, even unconsciously. No matter how deep you get with an INFJ, there’s always another mask, another layer beneath. Others can get put off, feeling like they can never get deep enough. 

However, ENFJ’s kind, honest nature that is interested in others without any selfish motives (for the most part) is able to make INFJ’s comfortable. Anyone who talks to a charismatic ENFJ gets the sense that they are understood and heard.

ENFJs don’t distrust another without good reason.  In a relationship, the ENFJ will give and give, putting their own needs last. Therefore, they need to be with someone they can trust to provide as much care.

INFJ must continually reassure ENFJ with affirmations of love. While ENFJ has a confident air about them, they give so much more love than they feel they receive.

ENFJ and INFJ Friendships

With their long list of similarities, ENFJ and INFJ make wonderful, harmonious friendships. They might feel like they know each other on a spiritual level, even after spending only a short time together.

ENFJ vs. INFJ: Approach to Friendship

ENFJ influences and creates tides in social situations. Because of their immense empathy and assertiveness, they hold the perfect balance: the nurturing leader. Thus, they are naturally always expanding their social circle in all areas of life, be it work or friendships.

While INFJs wouldn’t mind making friends, it’s not their strongest area. With extroverted sensing being their inferior function, they struggle to accept life as is.

When it comes to people, INFJs tend to create abstract versions of people in their own minds in an effort to “control” their environment. If they do so, they can, for the most part, have someone “figured out” – until they can’t.

Naturally, this might not bode well for either them or a friend who does something inconsistent with INFJ’s ideas, leading to INFJ’s self-sabotaging habit of cutting others off.

ENFJ & INFJ Friendship Dynamics

ENFJ and INFJ’s two most developed functions are the same, but switched, making them compatible as friends. ENFJ excels in Extroverted Feeling (Fe), which is INFJ’s auxiliary function. INFJ’s primary function is Introverted Intuition (Ni), which ENFJ uses for their internal world.

This makes the pair a good team because each brings their own perspective to a situation that the other can’t immediately see.

What Makes them Good for Each Other as Friends?

ENFJs enjoy not only meeting new people but going out of their way to understand and accommodate them. While the two can seem like an unlikely pair at a social gathering, ENFJ is one of the few able to approach the INFJ’s intimidating, closed-off presence. INFJs aren’t big on expanding their social circle.

Could they be Close Friends?

ENFJs are able to reach beneath an INFJ’s multiple masks, even if others don’t understand. Most INFJs give off a sense of authenticity and depth, which immediately attracts a friendly ENFJ.

What are some Areas that Might Cause them Problems as Friends?

All friendships come with difficulties, and an INFJ and ENFJ friendship are no different, especially when it comes to space. INFJs need their personal space. An ENFJ should draw an INFJ out of their inner mind while still acknowledging that INFJ needs to recharge.

Ironically, both ENFJ and INFJ are controlling – but in different ways. INFJ desires to control the world around them internally. This manifests as defining people in their lives by abstract concepts, based on repeated patterns they’ve observed.

Externally, they might put people into their own boxes and lash out if the person acts differently. Similarly, ENFJ’s outward controlling behavior may constrict the INFJ.

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