ENTJ and ESTJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance


The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a psychological evaluation that uses a series of introspective questions to sort subjects into one of 16 unique personality types. Two of these types are ENTJs and ESTJs. Both are extraverted, highly social and confident leaders who have a tremendous work ethic. They are professionally demanding and persistent. The question is, what happens when ENTJs and ESTJs interact with one another? Can they be friends? Can two such bold personalities succeed in having a romance or even a marriage?

Are ENTJs and ESTJs compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship?

ENTJs and ESTJs may both be natural leaders but they differ in how they perceive the world. When making decisions, for example, the ENTJ sees the big picture and is open to the wildest of ideas to find an answer. The ESTJ, on the other hand, values facts, details and precedent. They prefer practicality to speculation. With such a different outlook, is it possible for these two personalities to find romance with one another? If they are willing to meet each other half way, then the answer is yes.

4 Characteristics of ENTJs

ENTJs are born to lead. They are energetic, decisive and ambitious with a laser focus on their careers. They are also very intelligent and innovative, willing to consider even the most preposterous possibilities in pursuit of the best solutions. They are outgoing but not particularly sensitive and may have a tendency to put people off because of their unyielding nature.

  1. They excel at making decisions and being in charge of people.
  2. They are intelligent and love theorizing about out-of-the-box possibilities.
  3. They can be stubborn and unwilling to consider other people’s contributions or ideas.
  4. They rely on logic rather than their emotions.

4 Characteristics of ESTJs

If you need someone to develop and implement a system of organization, an ESTJ might be the perfect candidate. They are task masters who get things done the right way. They think logically, step by step, making sure not to leave out any relevant facts. When making decisions, they tend to rely on hard data and what has worked in the past. They are social, enjoy their down time and will usually make family a priority in their lives.

  1. They are relentless. If given a task, they will not stop until it is accomplished.
  2. They are practical and use a step by step logical approach to tackle any problem.
  3. They value their family time as much as they value their professional life.
  4. They provide coworkers with organization and a sense of direction.

If an ENTJ and an ESTJ got together romantically, they would have the potential to make a rather formidable power couple.

4 Reasons ENTJs and ESTJs would romantically mesh well together

  1. They are both highly intelligent, curious and love to learn new things.
  2. Both personality types are looking for an intellectual connection in a romantic partner.
  3. They may compliment each other well — an ENTJ’s love for new ideas and theories will open up new worlds for a more straight-laced ESTJ.
  4. Both are very active and will enjoy going on adventures together.

Still, with personalities this brash and domineering, in a romantic relationship, there are bound to be a few problems along the way.

4 Reasons ENTJs and ESTJs might have problems in a romantic relationship

  1. Both are very forceful and will want to be the ones in charge. Someone will have to back down and neither may be willing to do so.
  2. ESTJs are very organized and must have structure in their lives. ENTJs may feel stifled by the non-spontaneous ESTJ.
  3. ENTJs don’t revere tradition or old institutions. ESTJs value the traditional ways of doing things.
  4. Both are not very emotional and may not wish to communicate about relationship issues.

Romance / Love / Sex

ENTJs and ESTJs are highly committed and passionate people. These qualities tend to carry over into their personal relationships as well.

An ENTJ’s professional success has to do with their never-ending confidence and take charge attitude. They tend to apply that same level of attention to their love lives.

5 Ways an ENTJ might approach love

  1. They can only be in love with someone who shares their passion for knowledge.
  2. Their personality may overwhelm or stifle their partner.
  3. They may have difficulty expressing emotions but will show their devotion in other ways.
  4. They will face any conflict or problem head on and work tirelessly to tackle it.
  5. They need a partner who looks at them with approval and admiration.

ESTJs also take love seriously. From the very first date, ESTJs are trying to ascertain if there’s a match with long term potential. If not, they move on to the next candidate. When they do find their true love, they are fiercely committed to that relationship.

5 Ways an ESTJ might approach love

  1. They believe in the notion of true love and expect to find it in their lives.
  2. Their way of being supportive of their partner is to offer practical solutions.
  3. They need their partner to tell them that they’re appreciated for all that they do.
  4. May be accused by their partner of trying to micromanage their lives.
  5. Will be devoted to their partner but may have difficultly engaging with them on an emotional level.

Given all of their similarities, it is not surprising that ENTJs and ESTJs have many characteristics that will allow them to mesh well in a loving relationship:

  • They both are very socially active and enjoy spending time around other people.
  • They are both logical thinkers, although they have different methods in how they use their logic.
  • They each understand that work life is critical to the other.

Still, ENTJs and ESTJs perceive the world differently. Here are some issues they may eventually encounter that could lead to problems:

  • Both of these personalities love to be center stage and do all the talking. This could cause a rivalry and jealousy.
  • ESTJs are flustered by change while ENTJs can thrive in unpredictable circumstances and may crave spontaneity.
  • With both people spending so much time on their career, will they be able to make time for each other?

Role of Gender

For ENTJs and ESTJs, males tend to fit rather nicely into society’s assigned male gender roles. They’re both leaders, hard workers and highly competitive. These qualities in women, on the other hand, are very often frowned upon as being too masculine and may lead to these strong women feeling unfairly judged or misunderstood.

ENTJs

The ENTJ characteristics of being demanding, passionate and competitive mean that the males tend to fit in with gender stereotypes much more than ENTJ females do.

Male ENTJs are intelligent leaders who pursue goals without slowing down to ask questions. Given their direct, no-nonsense nature, it’s no surprise that many of their qualities are considered to be typical of an alpha male.

4 Characteristics of male ENTJs

  1. Romantically, they are not afraid to make the first move.
  2. They are all about logic and less about sensitivity and emotion.
  3. They can not deal with disloyalty in business or in their personal life.
  4. They prefer spending a long time dating before committing to a relationship.

Female ENTJs do not generally fit the traditional female stereotypes. They are independent, logical and competitive. They are frequently in positions of leadership and are willing to fight hard to get what they want. While they do value family and friends, emotional considerations will largely be left last on their lists.

4 Characteristics of female ENTJs

  1. They are often the bosses in male dominated fields.
  2. Some men may be intimidated by their motivation, independence and bold attitudes.
  3. People misinterpret their passion and drive as aggression.
  4. They are extremely loyal if given loyalty in return.

ESTJ males are just as driven as their ENTJs counterparts and are, very often, just as blunt and logical. They also tend to be conservative and are likely to hold traditional values regarding male and female roles. For all of these reasons, they are often labeled as behaving like stereotypical men.

4 Characteristics of male ESTJs

  1. They are natural no-nonsense leaders who love to problem solve.
  2. They tend to value the traditional gender roles of men being the primary earners and women being in charge of home and family life.
  3. They are fiercely protective of their family and loved ones.
  4. They need structure and organization to be able to function.

Female ESTJs have many qualities that are more stereotypical of men than women. They are rigorously logical rather than emotional. Often found in leadership positions, they usually have a reputation for being direct and tough. Many ESTJ women have struggled throughout their professional lives to be taken seriously in traditionally male jobs.

4 Characteristics of female ESTJs

  1. They love adventure and being active.
  2. They will be merciless with anyone who disrespects their spouses or families.
  3. They love a good, old fashioned love story.
  4. They rely on facts and data over instinct and emotion.

Possible relationship scenarios between ENTJ males and ESTJ females

  • If an ENTJ male seeks to update the entertainment system in the home he shares with his ESTJ wife, there may be conflict. He loves new technology but his wife is more comfortable leaving well enough alone, even if the current system isn’t technologically up to date.
  • If the couple wanted to purchase a new car, the ESTJ female would want to take charge, learning every detail about possible cars while considering their past car usage. The ENTJ male would also want to take the lead but would be more interested in the latest technological advances and how certain cars would effect the couple’s carbon footprint.

Possible relationship scenarios between ENTJ females and ESTJ males

  • When dating, the couple might envision their potential marriage. The ESTJ male might hope for a wife who stays at home and raises the kids while he’s out earning a living. The ENTJ female would disagree, as she has a thriving career and couldn’t imagine giving it up.
  • An ENTJ woman would love that her ESTJ boyfriend is so good at organizing the house. In the pantry, he’s alphabetized the spices, divided the grains from the pastas, all making her domestic life easier. She appreciates the organization but could never have imagined doing it herself.

Friendship

ENTJs and ESTJs have just as much in common as they have differences. The key to a successful friendship would be in their ability to meet each other in the middle.

4 Characteristics of ENTJ friendships

After seeing the intimidating way an ENTJ takes charge at work, it may be difficult to imagine them having an active social life with many friends. In reality, they make very dependable and reliable friends. They love to socialize, although much of that time tends to be spent with endeavors that will also help them with their careers.

  1. They spend a long time getting to know someone before they deem them to be a true friend.
  2. They make very loyal and trustworthy friends.
  3. They need to be friends with people who enjoy lively back and forth conversations.
  4. Their lack of tact and sensitivity could prove hard on their friendships.

4 Characteristics of ESTJ friendships

ESTJs may love to work but they also love to play. They adore their friends and enjoy taking time away from work to spend time with them. ESTJs look for friends who are loyal and trustworthy and who share their sense of adventure.

  • ESTJs are very gregarious and are liked by many people.
  • Their friends usually share their values.
  • Their friends need to understand that they are adventurous but not spontaneous, so planning with an ESTJ is a must.
  • Family will always be a priority over friendships.

Can ENTJs and ESTJs be friends?

They can absolutely be friends and what a dynamic friendship it would be. There would be plenty of boisterous conversations and interesting back and forth between them.

4 Reasons why ENTJs and ESTJs might mesh well together

  1. They will both tend to have large social circles and will enjoy meeting each other’s friends.
  2. They don’t like spending time alone, so no matter what, they would always have each other.
  3. They both love being active and will enjoy doing things together.
  4. Opposites attract — an ESTJ will admire the free-thinking ENTJ, and the ENTJ will be intrigued with the rationality of the ESTJ.

4 Reasons why there might be problems in an ENTJ and ESTJ friendship

  1. ENTJs tend to be innovators while ESTJs are more comfortable maintaining the status quo. In a friendship, this difference in perception could cause friction.
  2. ESTJs don’t like to admit when they’re wrong. ENTJs are often relentless about proving that they’re right.
  3. Their communication styles are very different — an ESTJ is very concrete while an ENTJ likes theories and hypotheticals.
  4. Instead of being charmed by their differences, they may view the other as just plain wrong.

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