ESTJ Compatibility: Romantic Relationships, Love, and Dating

The ESTJ personality type makes a solid and reliable partner. They believe in hard work, keeping their commitments, and shielding their loved ones from any possible unpleasantness of life.

ESTJs are very family-oriented and enjoy social interaction, especially if it includes family or close friends. They believe that the relationships they forge are forever.

Overall Compatibility for ESTJ

ESTJs believe that their commitments are forever, and they do well with personality types who have the same sense of devotion, such as ISTP and INTP. The ESTJ has little patience for those who are likely disagree with their ideas and plans, like INTJ.

Best Matches for an ESTJ

The extraverted thinking of the ESTJ pairs well with the introverted thinking of INTPs and ISTPs. If partners can learn to appreciate their mate’s strengths (which are likely the opposite of their own), these can be dynamic and strong unions that satisfy both partners.

Worst Matches for an ESTJ

The personality type who has the least successful match with the ESTJ is the INTJ. While there is nothing wrong with a few healthy differences in relationships, the pairing of an ESTJ and an INTJ is a match made far from heaven.

This couple is likely to have difficulty communicating with each other as well as finding mutually agreeable boundaries. Because there are so many fundamental differences between these personalities, this could be a complicated relationship for these personalities.

ESTJ Compatibility Chart

Best Match Good Match Poor Match Worst Match

ESTJ Relationships

ESTJ personality types believe that their commitments are never-ending. Because of this belief, they put tremendous effort into building and strengthening their relationships. As a partner, the ESTJ sees their significant other as second only to God and holds the relationship in high esteem.

The ESTJ is a natural guardian and protector and will do all they can to protect their significant others and their family. Because they tend to believe that they are always right, some ESTJs annoy their loved ones. This is especially true if a disagreement has high emotional stakes for both parties.

What an ESTJ Looks for in a Relationship

ESTJs seek out strong and stable relationships. Because commitment is fundamental to this personality type, they do not enjoy spending time in dramatic on-again, off-again relationships.

The same is true with honesty, ESTJs will be forthcoming with their significant others, and they expect their partners to reciprocate. Generally, ESTJs prefer to be in a position where they can look after others and manage problems.

They enjoy socializing, especially with family and close friends. While not particularly spontaneous, they still enjoy a good time and appreciate a partner who feels the same way.

What an ESTJ Needs in a Relationship

ESTJs are not fond of sudden changes or shifts in plans or behaviors. They hold traditional views about family, integrity, and commitment and want their partners to share similar ideas.

ESTJs tend to believe that they are always right and that their world would be a better place if those around them would listen to their advice and follow their lead. Because of this, they need a partner who can gently introduce other ideas to the ESTJ. A combative partner would frustrate them and lead them to hold their beliefs tighter; conversely, a partner who puts aside their thoughts to agree with their ESTJ will stymie growth.

ESTJs do well with a partner who enjoys socializing with family and prefers that holidays and other special celebrations occur just as they always have because the ESTJ dislikes change. They have no patience when it comes to change for the sake of change.

Feeling appreciated and receiving acknowledgement for all they do are vital to the ESTJ. Some partners are unaware of this because ESTJs ask for so little.

What an Ideal Relationship for an ESTJ Looks Like

The ideal relationship for an ESTJ puts them in the driver’s seat for most plans and activities. A partner who disagrees, argues, or complains will be a significant source of annoyance to an ESTJ.

ESTJs value a partner who expresses appreciation for them and the ways they manage life. Having a strong need to protect their partner, an ESTJ also does well when their partner does not push back against what they believe are the correct ways of doing things.

A dependable and honest significant other is an absolute must for an ESTJ. They thrive on stability and consistency. A partner who can be their rock is vital to an ESTJ.

How an ESTJ Acts in Relationships

In relationships, as with other facets of their lives, ESTJs happily do all of the things they view as their duties. They bring energy to situations that could otherwise be uninspiring.

An ESTJ partner feels a strong need to protect and guard their partner from unpleasant facets of life. While this behavior is an attempt to offer care, it can feel controlling to a mate if it consists of directives regarding what to say or how to act.

ESTJs will encourage their significant others to join them in various social activities and in family time. They are dependable and honest, so affirmation is genuine. However, because they are not in tune with how other people feel, they may accidentally neglect their partner’s feelings.

ESTJs are grateful when their partners notice and comment on their actions and are generally content when shown appreciation.

What a Bad Relationship for an ESTJ Looks Like

ESTJs would feel their relationship was bad if their partner were dishonest or acted randomly and unpredictably. Any partner who does not prize strong family ties would upset an ESTJ, and the same holds true for a partner disregarding customs and traditions.

ESTJs do not enjoy suffering their opinions and beliefs to be questioned. They tend to believe that they are always right, and when they make a plan, others should fall in line. A partner trying to shake things up a bit will cause more angst than appreciation.

ESTJs are not likely to back down in an argument.

A relationship with someone who needs a significant amount of alone time would be challenging to an ESTJ. They enjoy socializing and spending quality time with their significant other.

Love and Romance for an ESTJ

ESTJs often get the label of unromantic. While they are not the type to be swept up in traditional romance, they take their relationships seriously and once in love. They expect their bond will last a lifetime.

ESTJ Males in Love

ESTJ men may not fall in love quickly because they tend to wait and get a sense of what is vital to a potential partner. They dislike anything seen as disloyalty and want no part of a relationship with someone who has no interest in family or tradition.

Once in love, an ESTJ male is not likely to overwhelm their partner with romantic gestures or lots of touchy-feely moments. However, they will do everything in their power to care for their partner and guard them against unpleasant parts of life. ESTJ men take their commitment to their partner seriously and are not prone to infidelity.

The ESTJ man enjoys socializing and wants his partner to be a part of his social circles. He also enjoys quality time with his mate and can become frustrated with someone who needs a quantity of alone time.

Their take-charge attitude can frustrate a partner who is capable of making decisions and acting on their own convictions. The ESTJ man does not tune in to the emotions of those around him. Often, his significant other needs to help him realize how his words and actions impact their feelings.

ESTJ Females in Love

By their nature, ESTJ women are strong and assertive individuals. While many view these qualities as positive, they can make relationships difficult for a woman. This is especially true if the potential significant other in an ESTJ’s life feels threatened or put off by a strong woman.

Once in love, the ESTJ woman takes her commitment seriously. She will do all she can to improve the life of her partner. Her natural urge is to protect and care for those she loves and sometimes comes across as smothering or controlling.

ESTJ women enjoy socializing, especially amongst family and friends. She will want her partner to join her in these social gatherings and appreciate someone with a similar interest in family and traditions.

While she may not be outwardly romantic, she experiences strong emotions and appreciates a timely compliment from her partner.

How an ESTJ Knows They are in Love

ESTJs discover love slowly and over a length of time, rather than as if a lightning bolt struck them.

Usually, ESTJs spend time learning how the other person acts and reacts in various situations. During this time, ESTJs carefully consider the traits of their potential significant other. Slowly, the ESTJ will reach a decision as to whether what they feel is love.

How an ESTJ Shows Love

While an ESTJ might not shower their mate in flowers and poetry, they express their love in other ways. The strength of their commitment to their partners and the fact that they make their significant other a priority are two ways an ESTJ shows their love.

ESTJ Love Language

ESTJs feel loved when given words of affirmation. These words help maintain an ESTJs self-confidence and reinforce the fact that they are not taken for granted. Many ESTJs also enjoy physical displays of affection from those with whom they are especially close.

Does an ESTJ Fall in Love Easily?

ESTJs fall in love slowly and carefully. This is generally because they want their relationships to be strong and expect them to last for a lifetime.

How to Make an ESTJ Fall in Love

Even though you cannot force another person to love you, some actions will make you more attractive to an ESTJ:

  • A strong connection to family
  • Respect for tradition
  • Allowing them to be in charge within reason
  • Joining them in activities or events they enjoy
  • Affirming their actions and themselves

How to Love an ESTJ Long Term

Noticing and appreciating all of the kind and helpful things your ESTJ does regularly is one of the best ways to make this personality type feel like they matter, and you love them. Well placed compliments and statements of admiration also mean a great deal to this personality type.

Living in the present and not dredging up old wounds is also important for a long term relationship with an ESTJ. They judge themselves harshly and take criticism about something years in the past to heart.

Is an ESTJ Romantic?

In the conventional view of romance, ESTJs fall short. They are not likely to write poems, do little gestures, or offer romantic tokens of devotion.

However, that does not indicate they do not hold their partner in high esteem. They do have strong feelings, and they express them through caring and providing for their partner.

Is an ESTJ a Good Lover?

ESTJs are enthusiastic lovers who enjoy the physical aspects of a relationship. As in other parts of their lives, caring for their partner and their needs is vital to an ESTJ. They generally want physical intimacy on a somewhat regulated basis.

Even though they enjoy the physical attributes of sex, ESTJs do not usually focus on the emotional aspects. This can become a problem if their partner feels emotionally unfulfilled or, worse, used.

ESTJ Dating

The ESTJ dating personality is much like all other aspects of an ESTJ. They enjoy social activities, especially those that involve family. An invitation to a family event from an ESTJ is high praise and speaks of how highly they regard you.

They also like other social gatherings and tend to take command of any room they enter. ESTJs also enjoy one on one activities of mutual interest with their partners.

What Type of Person does an ESTJ Usually Date?

ESTJs have no time for flighty and unpredictable people as they are serious about their commitments. They do not tend to date just for the sake of dating and will not date someone whom they deem dishonest.

ESTJs tend to prefer:

  • Committed individuals
  • Those who value family
  • People with a strong belief in traditions
  • Someone who appreciates the way an ESTJ cares for them
  • Social people who enjoy gathering with friends and family
  • A person who likes to share mutual interests

Dating an ESTJ

Though there may be no absolutely perfect relationships in the world, some would say dating an ESTJ can be particularly trying. This personality type has strong controlling tendencies and a belief that they are usually correct.

They do not pick up on the emotions of loved ones and can come across as indifferent. ESTJs do not embrace change or spontaneity.

ESTJs enjoy leading the way on dates.

On the other hand, ESTJs are loyal, honest, and fiercely protective of their loved ones. They enjoy social gatherings and typically command any room they enter. Under their watchful eye, their partners will want for nothing and be protected from unpleasantness.

Having an ESTJ Boyfriend

An ESTJ boyfriend will always make sure his partner is well cared for and protected. He is someone a mate can rely on as he takes his commitments seriously and will not walk away from a relationship.

He enjoys taking his partner out to social gatherings, especially those focusing on family or work events. He is not conventionally romantic but shows his love and devotion through actions rather than words.

Having an ESTJ Girlfriend

Though some potential partners are intimidated by the strong ESTJ woman, others know that just as she is strong, she also has strong emotions. She will demonstrate her feelings by caring for her partner and significant others.

She is not romantic in the classic sense of the word, but she appreciates her partner’s recognition of her efforts. Although she is not spontaneous, an ESTJ girlfriend typically enjoys social gatherings and events in which she and her partner share interest.

ESTJ Compatibility Matches


As with any pairing, a relationship between an ESTJ and an ENTJ has its strengths and weaknesses. Since both of these types are energetic and intelligent, they will have no problem finding shared interests and understanding each other. However, the ESTJ may view ENTJ as overly irreverent and be unwilling to get carried away in their schemes.