INFJ Compatibility: Romantic Relationships, Love, and Dating


The INFJ personality type longs to find what they believe is a relationship that is without equal. They are loving and caring, devoting themselves to their partners but tend towards perfectionism.

INFJs seek the same caring, devotion, and perfectionism in their significant others. INFJ tends to do well in relationships with those who have dominant extraverted intuition.

The Best and Worst Matches with Other Personality Types for an INFJ

INFJs are loyal to and solicitous for their romantic partners and expect the same in return. They pair well with types who recognize this and are willing to give and accept affection, such as ENFP and ENTP. They can have problems with less emotional types like ESTP and ISTP.

Best Match for an INFJ

When it comes to the best matches for the INFJ, it is essential to remember that this personality type thrives on being able to show their partner that they care in tangible ways. So, a partner who warmly appreciates and reciprocates these actions will be the best choice for the INFJ personality type. 

The overarching belief is that the ENFP and the ENTP are excellent matches for the INFJs of the world. Both types openly give support to those around them and need affirmation. The extraverted features of the ENFP and the ENTP balance the introverted nature of the INFJ and bring out the best in their partner.

Worst Matches for an INFJ

The depth of emotion that INFJs feel, show, and seek makes it difficult for them to sustain relationships with personality types with a strong need to live in the moment or those that are unemotional and aloof.

For these reasons, the two worst potential matches for an INFJ are the energetic and unemotional ESTP and the always curious and firmly grounded ISTP. Relationships with both types of personalities leave the INFJ feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from their partners.

Compatibility Chart

Better Potential Worse

The INFJ in Relationships

The INFJ relationship’s hallmark is their inherent need for a solid and deep connection with their partner. They seek to give their love in tangible and helpful ways and require a partner who can reciprocate their intense emotions.

Because INFJ personalities burn so brightly, long term relationships can sometimes be a challenge. INFJs want their relationship to be immensely satisfying, to the point of perfectionism. They often try to maintain an intensity that can feel almost overwhelming to a romantic partner.

What does an INFJ look for in a relationship?

Presumably, the INFJ is approaching a relationship from a place of healthy functionality. If this is the case, some of the things that an INFJ will find to be vital to a happy relationship include:

  • Communication – This includes feeling secure enough to share their thoughts and feelings with a romantic partner as well as their partner’s ability or willingness to share.
  • Honesty – INFJs tend to pick up on nuances in behavior, and many have a keen sense of when a partner is keeping something secret or being dishonest.
  • Receptiveness – An INFJ will gladly give their partner their time, energy, and talents. Usually, they will go above and beyond ordinary helpfulness to ensure that their partner is happy. However, they need their partner to meet these actions with gratitude, and reciprocity goes a long way as well.
  • Intellectual compatibility – This helps build communication. Additionally, a shared interest in social issues is a plus.
  • A genuine friendship – INFJs focus on the success of their relationships, and a good friendship is a necessary foundation for building the relationship.

What an INFJ needs in a relationship

To have a healthy and thriving relationship, INFJs need a few specific attributes.

  • Communication – A significant level of communication about a variety of topics is essential for an INFJ to be their best self in a relationship.
  • Trust – Believing that their partner is trustworthy and also that their partner trusts the INFJ.
  • Affirmation and expressions of love – These do not need to be huge gestures or a constant stream of compliments and gifts.
  • Time and energy – A partner who is willing to put time and effort into building the relationship is a true necessity for an INFJ.

How an INFJ acts in relationships

An INFJ will do everything within their power to develop their relationship into a soul-deep commitment. Anything less than this pinnacle will leave them frustrated.

Because INFJs pour so much of themselves into cultivating a soul-mate type of relationship, they are usually faithful and honor their promises. For similar reasons, a casual fling is not something that seems appealing to an INFJ.

What does an ideal relationship look like to an INFJ?

Because INFJs seek a deep soul-to-soul-level relationship, they try to find a relationship with a partner who understands them and gladly receives and gives a great deal of warmth, affection, and affirmation. Marked intellectual compatibility, as well as a strong physical connectedness, are necessary for an ideal INFJ relationship.

Communication is paramount to an INFJ, as is a partner who shares feelings and displays honesty and openness. INFJs are continually monitoring the temperature of their relationship and will likely notice secrecy or dishonesty right away.

What does a bad relationship look like for an INFJ?

When an INFJ is in a bad relationship, one of the things they usually notice is a feeling of being drained by their partner. Having a sensitive soul, a craving to connect deeply, and a need to give love make INFJs vulnerable to those who would steadily take in the relationship while offering very little.

Another quality that would be bad in an INFJ relationship is too little time with their partner. Because INFJs place a high premium on time, the notion that their partner is reluctant to share time together is particularly hurtful.

INFJ Love and Romance

Because INFJs are looking for the one great love of their life, this personality type is not likely to hop from one casual hook up to another, nor are they the sort to rush into a romance.

The INFJ will cautiously examine the potential for a relationship in a subtle manner. Sometimes the style is so subtle that the object of an INFJ’s possible affection has no idea any interest exists.

Once in a relationship, an INFJ will put all they have into making their partner happy and making the relationship work. This strategy sometimes can overwhelm a partner, and it also can leave an INFJ drained and resentful if they do not receive what they give so freely.

An INFJ in love

When an INFJ personality is in love, they exhibit several behaviors that demonstrate their feelings:

  • They have intense feelings and express themselves with a depth that can seem excessive to others.
  • Time is a crucial factor for INFJs. When in love, they need to share time with their partner and can be severely unhappy when a partner does not make time for them.
  • An INFJ in love will go to great lengths to care for their partner. Selfless acts that benefit a romantic partner take no thought at all and are not see as sacrifices.
  • Honesty and authenticity are given and expected in return. The authentic nature and a soul-to-soul connection in a relationship are imperative to an INFJ and are a part of what this personality type craves.

INFJ Males in Love

When an INFJ man is in love, his partner will never go unnoticed. He will pay attention to every detail, like, and dislike, then respond accordingly. He delights in giving gifts and showing affection and is satisfied with sincere displays of appreciation and gratitude in return.

He appreciates time spent one-on-one in quiet situations or small group settings and is not one to enjoy the latest nightclubs or the party scene. Superficial things like status or wealth do not impress an INFJ man.

He is faithful in his relationship and expects the same from his partner. Dishonesty can ruin a relationship with an INFJ, as can taking them for granted.

INFJ Females in Love

An INFJ woman in love gladly gives all of her attention and devotion to her partner. Because she craves intimacy and a soul-mate, she will make every effort to nurture and grow the relationship.

Her significant other will always receive loving care and will never be ignored or overlooked. She is faithful and holds honesty in high esteem. Therefore, she expects these qualities of her partner. She also needs to feel that her actions are valuable and to receive gratitude for her many efforts.

An INFJ woman will not randomly quit on a relationship and will strive to make things work. Occasionally, she will try too hard for too long to her detriment.

How an INFJ Knows They are in Love

An INFJ will know they are in love when they feel that the object of their affection reciprocates their feelings and values the important things to them. These are not the type of people to fall fast for someone, but they will fall hard once they feel that a particular person may be worth their efforts.

How an INFJ Shows Love

INFJs show their love in a number of ways 

  • Helpful acts – When in a relationship, INFJs are more than happy to help their significant other. Whether it is a task like changing the oil or walking the dog, something sweet like a back rub, or anything in between, if it will help a partner, the INFJ is on the case.
  • Tokens of affection – Partners of INFJs have no shortage of sentimental gifts in their lives.
  • Time and attention – Since INFJs value these things, they readily give them.
  • Honesty and fidelity – Both are critical for this personality type.

INFJ Love Language

INFJs speak the language of quality time. They thrive on deep connections, and when their partner turns off the electronic devices to focus on them, they feel loved.

Does an INFJ Fall in Love Easily?

INFJs are slow to fall in love. Frequently, they spend a great deal of time observing and considering potential partners. This is because they need to have a soul-mate, not a fast fling.

How to Make an INFJ Fall in Love

While it is not quite possible to ‘make’ anyone fall in love, there are several traits that INFJs will find appealing 

  • Authenticity
  • Appreciation
  • Spending time together
  • Honesty
  • Sincere commitment to the relationship
  • Openness to a deep personal connection

How to Love an INFJ Long Term

Once an INFJ is in a relationship, they are in for the long haul. To make them feel loved, there are a few non-negotiable things to put into play, especially for a long term relationship.

  • To be helpful – Helping others is a central part of the INFJs being, and they are happiest when given a chance to help.
  • Deep conversation – Talking at length about important topics is something this personality type loves.
  • A plan – Spontaneous activities will not win an INFJ’s heart. 
  • Alone time – As introverts, they need downtime to recharge.
  • Appreciation – Unfortunately, it is easy to take INFJs for granted because they are usually helpful. Always make sure that you express gratitude for the things they do for you.

Is an INFJ Romantic?

While many INFJs come across as a bit cynical or even aloof, this personality type is secretly incredibly romantic. They do not show this side of themselves to just anyone and must first feel confident in the relationship before displaying their romantic nature.

Is an INFJ a Good Lover?

INFJs approach physical intimacy with the same earnest desire to please their partner they put to all other facets of the relationship. They are not prone to wild experimentation and may like to stick to a schedule.

INFJ Dating

When secure in a dating relationship, the INFJ will let their guard down and show their partner their deep well of romantic emotions. However, this does not happen easily or quickly. Additionally, casual encounters are not something INFJs seek.

INFJ Dating Personality

Dating someone with an INFJ personality type can be very fulfilling. They will be attentive to their dates and not spend time flirting with others or endlessly chattering about superficial things.

This personality type is comfortable one on one or in a small group. They do not enjoy nightclubs, casinos, or rowdy sports bars. They can enjoy an evening at the theater or the movies and like to be the focus of their date’s attention.

What Type of Person does an INFJ Usually Date?

INFJ tends to date people who can make them feel comfortable within themselves. They enjoy meaningful relationships and deep conversation. For this reason, they tend to enjoy intellectual individuals.

What Type of Person SHOULD an INFJ date?

While there is nothing wrong with dating deep individuals who enjoy conversations and easily express gratitude, adding a bit of fun and spark to a relationship is a good plan. Seeking a compatible individual with some extraverted tendencies is an excellent way to add another dimension of enjoyment to a relationship.

Having an INFJ Boyfriend

An INFJ boyfriend will be loyal, considerate, and helpful. He will remember significant events like birthdays, and also commemorate small but significant moments as well as offer gifts simply to delight his partner.

He will need the same attention that he gives and needs to see gratitude and affirmation. Faithful by nature, he will not flirt with others or stray. He will not tolerate this behavior in his partner and will likely walk away if he suspects it.

Having an INFJ Girlfriend

An INFJ girlfriend will turn herself inside out to be helpful, which can lead to resentment if her partner does not show appreciation. She is romantic, deep down, and happily showers her significant other with tokens of affection.

She is a faithful partner and not prone to infidelity, and she holds her boyfriend to the same standard. She also finds being ignored in favor of technology to be insufferable.

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