INFP and ISFP: Compatibility, Love, Marriage and Romance


INFPs (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceiving) and ISFPs (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling and Perceiving) are in many ways kindred spirits. They are both introverts who are creative, intelligent and deeply caring about others. They both strive to use their talents to make a positive impact on the world.

In spite of their similarities, they do have significant differences. INFPs are dreamers who think of the world in an abstract, theoretical way, while ISFPs are doers who prefer action over thinking. INFPs are highly emotional and spend a lot of time in their own heads, whereas ISFPs are more logical in nature and have more interaction with whatever is going on around them.

Are INFPs and ISFPs compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship?

While any two personalities who are motivated can make a romantic relationship work, INFPs and ISFPs may have an edge because of their similarities. Though INFPs tend to be more abstract where ISFPs are concrete, they have enough in common to fully understand each other if they are willing.

INFPs

INFPs dream of a future where everyone will live in peace and in harmony. They tend to be very inwardly focused, feeling that ultimately they will gain an understanding of the world through rigorous self-reflection and evaluation. Perhaps because they spend so much time thinking, they tend to struggle with anxiety and with second guessing themselves.

Regardless, they are always willing to put their own needs aside in order to help other people.

4 Characteristics of INFPs

  1. They are socially hesitant, preferring to interact with smaller groups or in one-on-one situations. 
  2. They are very idealistic and look for the best in people. 
  3. INFPs tend to make decisions based on “gut instincts” and feelings rather than specific, objective facts. 
  4. INFPs live their lives in a flexible way, often trying to keep as many options open as possible.

ISFPs

ISFPs are known for their easy-going, action-oriented approach to the world. They are introverts, to be sure, and have a quiet and reserved manner.

Still, they are open to social interaction in a way that INFPs are not. They aren’t particularly concerned with what may happen in the future and would prefer to live spontaneously, reacting to whatever is happening around them.

4 Characteristics of ISFPs

  1. Fun is more important to them than achieving goals.
  2. They are very much concerned with doing the right thing. 
  3. They tend to have a keen eye for observation and notice things that other people do not. 
  4. They hate dealing with conflict.

INFPs and ISFPs in a romantic relationship will probably have mutually shared interests and moral positions. These common causes may help to keep them united.

4 Reasons INFPs and ISFPs would romantically mesh together

  1. They are both creative introverts who care deeply about other people. 
  2. They will tend to socialize in the same way — with smaller groups in low stress situations. 
  3. Sharing the same values will bring them closer together. 
  4. They both tend to be adaptable personalities who are unafraid of change.

Regardless of their similarities, INFPs and ISFPs have different personality approaches, largely because of the difference in their auxiliary function. INFPs are Intuitive, meaning they spend a large amount of time in their own heads. ISFPs, on the other hand, are Sensing which means they participate more in the outside world.

4 Reasons INFPs and ISFPs might have problems in a romantic relationship

  1. INFPs will tend not to be as active as ISFPs. This could frustrate them both. 
  2. They have different communication styles. An INFP tends to talk in abstractions and be non-specific while an ISFP is usually more straightforward. 
  3. INFPs worry more about the future. In contrast, ISFPs prefer to live by the seat of their pants and do whatever makes sense in the moment. 
  4. INFPs will want to address theories while ISFPs will be more concerned with real world happenings.

Romance / Love / Sex

When an INFP and an ISFP romance evolves into love, will their relationship be able to stand the test of time?

Like any two personalities, if an INFP and an ISFP want to make a long-term love relationship last, they absolutely can. They do, however, need to be respectful and accommodating of each other’s differences in communication styles and activity levels.

INFPs love the idea of romance and why wouldn’t they? They are naturally very giving and empathetic souls who also have a strong desire to be truly understood by another person. A story book romance with a happily-ever-after ending has endless appeal to them.

The problem can be, however, that they idealize love so much that they may feel slightly disillusioned by the reality of a real relationship.

4 Ways an INFP might approach love

  1. They desire an intimate relationship that has a deep, two-way emotional connection. 
  2. Their intensity in a relationship can feel a bit overwhelming to some people. 
  3. They want someone who will be as emotionally open with them as they are in return. 
  4. They tend to focus more on how they are feeling today than how they may feel down the road.

Like INFPs, ISFPs would also consider themselves to be romantics. They love the idea of giving themselves to another person and having that deep connection in their lives. As introverts, they crave that one-on-one connection, but they tend to be picky about romantic partners, not settling for just anyone.

4 Ways an ISFP might approach love

  1. They tend to be shy and are not good at flirting.
  2. They generally fall for people with whom they have a lot in common or have already known for a long time. 
  3. They do not like casual dating and tend to focus on the long term prospects for any relationship.  
  4. It may take a while for their fondness for someone to turn into love.

What would cause INFPs and ISFPs to mesh well in a love relationship?

  • They are both compassionate people who care deeply about others. 
  • Both personalities tend to fall in love with people who have similar values and backgrounds. 
  • They both tend to live a relaxed, non-rigidly planned lifestyle.

What might cause INFPs and ISFPs to have problems?

  • An INFP’s idealism about their relationship may cause frustration from both parties, especially if the INFP is unwilling to address and resolve problems. 
  • An ISFP is more active and likes to take part in the world. An INFP is more of a dreamer who likes to think about the world rather than getting involved. This difference could be difficult for both to overcome. 
  • They both have an issue with conflict and may hesitate to handle any issues as they arise.

Role of Gender

INFPs

Both male and female INFPs are not too concerned with conforming to society’s expectations regarding gender roles. It is more difficult for males than females, however, to fit in.

Male INFPs are introverted, emotional and highly empathetic people – the very opposite of traditional male gender stereotypes. They may feel aliened from other males and some females because of their personality characteristics and often develop a habit of trying to get along by flying under the social radar.

4 Characteristics of male INFPs

  1. They may be embarrassed about their emotionality, especially around other men. 
  2. They are very loyal and care deeply about others. 
  3. They tend to feel misunderstood by people who don’t know them well. 
  4. When they fall in love, they fall hard.

Female INFPs don’t have as difficult of a time as their male counterparts because much of their behavior is considered feminine. They are shy but good listeners. They are guided by their emotions and trust their intuition. Most importantly, they are very moral and caring about others.

4 Characteristics of female INFPs

  1. They are often controlled by their emotions which can be difficult for non-emotional personalities to understand. 
  2. They may struggle with anxiety, tending to play situations over and over in their heads. 
  3. They are very loyal to their friends and family. 
  4. They tend to idealize their partners, so much so that they may be unable to see flaws that others see.

ISFPs

ISFPs are more concerned about living their best lives than fitting in to society’s gender roles.

ISFP males aren’t generally concerned with playing by other people’s rules. It makes sense, then, that they barely notice whether or not they are conforming to societal gender expectations. Regardless, they naturally tend to conform so certain male stereotypes — they are independent, aloof and adventurous.

4 Characteristics of male ISFPs

  1. They may be quiet and reserved but they are always up to participate in whatever is going on around them. 
  2. They freely express their emotions but are usually in control of them. 
  3. They are very laid back and relaxed. 
  4. They tend to have a much more logical approach than INFPs.

Female ISFPs may be introverts but have little problem relating with other people. They are naturally creative and fun and up for trying most anything. They get along well with other women but may not be as nurturing as some.

4 Characteristics of female ISFPs

  1. They are reserved but not shy. 
  2. They do not like to flirt. 
  3. They do not tend to dwell on things that make them unhappy. 
  4. ISFPs need plenty of down time to recharge.

Possible relationship scenarios between INFP males and ISFP females

  • An INFP male opens the door to a solicitor for charity. It’s not long before he’s convinced by the emotional pitch to donate. His ISFP wife comes along and stops him. She asks the charity man a series of logical questions and is quick to discover that the charity is not all it’s cracked up to be. The couple sends him away and mutually decides to spend their charitable dollars elsewhere.
  • An INFP had a difficult day and is in one of his moods. His ISFP girlfriend used to feel helpless during these times but learned that it was best just to be there and listen to him if he needs support.

Possible relationship scenarios between INFP females and ISFP males

  • An INFP female was head over heels for her ISFP boyfriend when they first started dating. She could see no wrong in him for many months. Now, however, she feels that he doesn’t think about things as deeply as she does. In fact, he just seems less serious and committed about everything than she is. She has a hard time imagining if they’ll stay together for the long-term.
  • An ISFP male has a habit of going on morning jogs that follow a different path each time. Sometimes he’s gone for an hour, sometimes two, depending. His INFP wife used to get jealous of the time he was gone, feeling resentful, especially when he went on the longer jogs. She then realized how much joy this brought him and learned he wasn’t jogging to get away from her but rather was just enjoying the time to himself. Now she happily uses his jogging time for her own pursuits.

Friendship

INFPs

INFPs don’t make friends easily but when they do, they usually keep them for life. They are empathetic, supportive and will go out of their way to help a friend. That said, they also have high expectations of their friends being emotionally supportive in return.

3 Characteristics of INFP friendships

  1. They need their friends to make an effort to understand their true selves. 
  2. They will put everything on hold in their lives if their friend needs them. 
  3. INFPs are so idealistic, they sometimes need their friends to point out truths they can’t see.

ISFPs

ISFPs may seem reserved to other people, but to their friends, they are always up for adventure. They are happy personalities who are the first ones that come up with something fun to do.

3 Characteristics of ISFP friendships

  1. They have a live-and-let-live attitude and will not judge their friends. 
  2. They are usually friends with people for years. 
  3. They are loyal and will always be there for their friends.

Can INFPs and ISFPs be friends?

Of course they can be friends. They are both introverts who value time together but will also give each other space.

3 Reasons why INFPs and ISFPs might mesh well together

  1. They both tend to accept others the way they are without being judgmental. 
  2. They will both work toward the goal of keeping everything happy and harmonious. 
  3. They will be loyal friends to each other.

3 Reasons why there might be potential problems in an INFP and ISFP friendship

  1. ISFPs may get overwhelmed with the emotional needs of an INFP. 
  2. An ISFP may be too spontaneous for an INFP. 
  3. The INFP’s idealism might clash with the ISFP’s realism.

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