INFP INFJ Relationships: Compatibility, Love, and Friendship


Drawing of man on knee with heart in hand talking to a woman. In love.

The Myers Briggs personality inventory test is, among other things, a tool to help understand how different personality types will interact with one another. It can assist in predicting which personalities are most likely to get along with one another and which may be destined to encounter relationship issues.

When looking at INFPs and INFJs — the two introverted and ultra-creative personality types — it is interesting to examine how their obvious similarities and crucial differences are likely to affect how they relate to each other.

INFP INFJ Compatibility

Are INFPs and INFJs Compatible Enough to Be in a Romantic Relationship?

The answer is yes but there will be inevitable bumps in the road. In addition to being introverted, INFPs and INFJs have a lot in common. They are both caring nurturers who feel passionately about their values and belief systems. However, INFPs tend to live unstructured and free-spirited lives whereas INFJs need a framework of organization and goals to feel fulfilled. Put these two types together and they have the potential to drive each other crazy.

INFPs are creative idealists who are passionate about making the world a better place.

5 INFP Characteristics

  1. They are nurturing, caring and supportive.
  2. They’re endlessly optimistic and believe there’s good in everybody.
  3. They are free-spirited, flexible and content to go with the flow of life.
  4. They need a great deal of alone time.
  5. It’s essential that they have a creative outlet.

INFJs are empathetic idealists who are quiet but creative with a slight rigidity to the way they approach life.

5 INFJ Characteristics

  1. They are intellectually curious and creative.
  2. They are passionate about doing what is right.
  3. They’re goal-oriented and prefer working within a structured situation.
  4. They are deeply empathetic and are terrific listeners.
  5. In certain areas, they can be perfectionists.

After considering both of their personality characteristics, it’s easy to imagine an INFP and an INFJ hitting it off romantically. They seem to be cut from the same cloth and could very well make a solid romantic match.

6 Reasons Why INFPs and INFJs Would be Compatible

  1. They both want a deep and committed relationship in their lives.
  2. They both despise injustice and can’t tolerate bullying or cruelty.
  3. Socially, they prefer having a small circle of friends rather than going to parties.
  4. They enjoy all things artsy and cultural.
  5. They are not materialistic and find value in ideas.
  6. They are drawn to the same kind of people — thoughtful, artistic and idealistic.

Regardless of their similarities, in day-to-day life, difficulties may arise. INFPs and INFJs have very different ways of organizing their lives, so much so that it could lead to friction in the relationship.

INFJ and INFP Conflict: 6 Reasons for Possible Relationship Problems

  1. Because both personalities hate to make the first move, the relationship may never get started in the first place.
  2. INFJs tend to be more tidy and organized than INFPs and this could cause resentment on both sides.
  3. INFJs are goal-oriented and could view the lackadaisical attitudes of an INFP as being lazy or unmotivated.
  4. Both personalities are passionate about their values, so if those values differ, it may be hard for them to agree to disagree.
  5. They both hate conflict and thus may be reluctant to address any issues in the relationship.
  6. They could get jealous of each other’s strengths. An INFJ may feel upstaged by the easy-going INFP. The INFP may resent an INFJ’s quick decision making.

To see more about the differences between INFPs and INFJs, check out the article INFP vs INFJ.

INFJ and INFP Compatibility in Love / Sex / Romance

bride and groom both with "i do" signs
INFPs and INFJs could be very compatible on many levels, but they would need to keep their emotions in check if things ever went off course for a while.

On first glance, an INFP seems like an ideal romantic partner. They’re so caring and loving, who could resist their charms?

INFP in Love: The INFP Love Language

  1. They’re lighthearted and flirtatious when interested in someone romantically.
  2. They’ll require a significant amount of quality time to keep those fires burning.
  3. They may have difficulty verbalizing their deepest feelings.
  4. They are very patient and will go the extra mile to please their partner.
  5. If you hear an “I love you” from an INFP, take it very seriously.

INFJs are also very appealing as romantic partners. They are capable of incredibly deep love and devotion, not to mention they’ll always be the ideal shoulder to cry on.

INFJ in Love: The INFJ Love Language

  1. They feel a deep, spiritual connection to those that they love romantically.
  2. They place a high value on spending quality time with their loved one.
  3. They are very perceptive about their partner’s needs.
  4. When involved in a relationship, they enjoy being physically affectionate.
  5. Their compliments are well thought out and carry deep meaning.

A physical relationship between an INFP and an INFJ would likely be very intense. First of all, they wouldn’t even be together if they could not fully trust and love each other, so given that those emotions are in play, they would be completely open to one another. Each would be extraordinarily attuned with the other’s desires and strive to make them happy.

Physical infatuation can only last so long, however. As in all relationships, not everything between INFPs and INFJs will stay rosy. Because each personality is guided by their emotions, sometimes there is no one to act as the “rational one” in the relationship. Instead of one of them stepping back and evaluating what the real problems may be, their emotions will snowball unnecessarily into a dramatic puddle of hurt feelings. In a similar way, both INFPs and INFJs have a tendency to ruminate over small issues until they become big issues, at least in one of their minds. If this happens too often, it could get exhausting for the couple.

 

The Role of Gender in an INFJ / INFP Relationship

Along with their personality types, gender expectations and stereotypes faced by both INFPs and INFJs can affect relationship compatibility.

Most male INFPs do not fit neatly within society’s gender expectations and often possess what are considered to be traits associated with females. They are sensitive introverts who don’t usually try to compete with or dominate others. They prefer quiet conversation over boisterous activity and will shy away from most confrontations. These factors can affect how an INFP male will interact within relationships.

4 Ways That INFP Males Differ From the Stereotypical Male

  1. They are emotional and extremely sensitive.
  2. Given that they grew up not being particularly “manly,” they may feel like outsiders.
  3. They do not like conflict.
  4. They are sensitive and can be devastated by breakups, much more so than other personality types.

It is considered normal for females to be emotional, sensitive and caring, so the female INFP doesn’t immediately stand out from other women. However, if you dig a little deeper, their personalities are a little more nuanced.

4 Ways That INFP Females Are Unique Among Women

  1. INFPs can feel awkward and self-conscious in social situations, particularly with other women. They may also have trouble reading social cues.
  2. They may be hesitant to form relationships with women because they are used to being judged unfavorably by them.
  3. They can sometimes feel more connected to men than women.
  4. Women are expected to be emotional, but INFPs can be very emotional and sometimes even volatile.

Like their INFP counterparts, male INFJs’ behavior doesn’t conform to traditional macho stereotypes.

4 Ways INFJ Males Are Unique Among Men

  1. They place a high value on artistic beauty.
  2. They do not like to be the center of attention.
  3. Often, they relate better to women than to men.
  4. They prefer quiet time at home instead of being out watching sports with the guys.

INFJ women have warm, empathetic hearts. Still, they possess some characteristics that aren’t typical of women in general.

4 Ways INFJ Females Are Unique Among Women

  1. They need a lot of time alone.
  2. In social situations, they tend to be withdrawn.
  3. They are frequently underestimated as being nurturing and nothing more.
  4. They tend to have interests and hobbies that are not typical of other women.

When INFPs and INFJs get into a relationship, it’s important to consider the role gender dynamics will play.

 

Gender Combinations

INFP Male and INFJ Female: 4 Possible Relationship Scenarios 

  1. For the first time in her life, the INFJ female might feel that someone actually understands her. He’s not doing anything special to make her feel that way, though. He’s just being his usual, caring INFP self.
  1. While both partners are wistful and romantic, the INFJ female might be more down to earth and more practical than her INFP beau. This could lead to some tension, especially if she complains and is too critical of her INFP man for not being enough like her.
  1. If the couple is sharing a living space, her INFJ heart would prefer things to be neat and orderly, while he would barely notice what the place looked like at all. Consequently, he’d be surprised with her irritation at him for not cleaning up after himself.
  1. He might feel that she can’t understand the easy-going way he does things and that her expectations of him are too high. She might feel that he was lazy and needed a goal or project to really reach his full potential.

INFJ Male and INFP Female: 4 Possible Relationship Scenarios

  1. The beginning of the relationship is emotionally intense and deeply satisfying for both parties. They will be certain that they’ve finally found their true soul mates.
  1. While the INFP woman never worries about what’s next for them as a couple, he’s always trying to anticipate the future. Sometimes they can talk about it but often this difference in perspective can get irritating for both of them.
  1. The INFJ guy can sometimes get impatient with his INFP girl’s emotional volatility. When he does, she feels judged and quietly steams in anger to herself. If this happens often enough, she’ll finally go off and he’ll withdraw, wondering what to do.
  1. The INFJ male can at first be so enamored by a female INFP’s emotional and sensitive side that he overlooks other parts of her personality that are not quite as compatible with his. This realization may lead to a reevaluation of the relationship.

 

INFJ INFP Friendship

two friends taking selfie
Both INFJs and INFPs like friends for life.

No one holds friendship more sacred than INFPs and INFJs. To them, friendships are rare enough that when they happen for real, they’re friendships for life. Being their friend, however, offers unique blessings and challenges.

INFPs are typically only friends with a few, carefully selected people. When you meet them, they are extraordinarily cautious about reveling too much of themselves and thus tend to take any new relationships slower other people might.

4 Things to Know About an INFP’s Approach to Friendships

  1. They prefer having a few, true friends rather than a bunch of casual, shallow friendships.
  2. They adore deep, meaningful conversations with their friends.
  3. They don’t like narcissistic people who take but don’t give to a friendship.
  4. When their fantasy of a friendship doesn’t jibe with reality, they can have a difficult time accepting it.

Just like INFPs, INFJs take their friendships very seriously. They are much more comfortable hanging out with trusted friends than being stifled by a large, chaotic group of people.

5 Things to Know About an INFJ’s Approach to Friendships

  1. They rarely make the first move to become someone’s friend.
  2. Once you are close to an INFJ, you are pretty much a friend for life.
  3. They’re the kind of friends that can be called at all hours of the night and are willing and happy to listen.
  4. They must have their alone time respected.

 

Can INFPs and INFJs Be Friends?

Absolutely. After a lifetime of being misunderstood by others, they will be thrilled to find someone who understands so many facets of their personality. Ideally, they will realize that in spite of their commonalities, potential pitfalls in how they will relate to one another may eventually develop. If they can communicate to resolve any misunderstandings or hurt feelings, then they can have a long and fulfilling friendship.

3 Reasons Why INFJs and INFPs Will Mesh as Friends

  1. They both understand the need for creativity.
  2. They both have similar socializing styles.
  3. They both need alone time and will give each other plenty of space.

3 Reasons There Could Be Problems with an INFP and INFJ Friendship

  1. They will both try to avoid any and all conflicts, so problems may fester.
  2. They’re both super sensitive and either one might begin to imagine that there are problems when there really aren’t any.
  3. Both of these personalities have a tendency to take offense easily and their unwillingness to talk about it might create a rift.

So the takeaway is that whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, INFPs and INFJs have the potential to be a great match. They will, however, need to work together, be aware of their flaws and make sure they have open communication to nip any misunderstandings or overreactions in the bud.

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