INTJ and ENTJ Relationships: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance


INTJs (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging) and ENTJs (Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging) are both intellectually-oriented, hard-working personalities who are very often primarily focused on their careers. They tend to put their emotional lives on the back burner and instead spend their time problem solving and theorizing about how to make the world a better place. They both rely on reason and logic and have little time for nonsense.  

In spite of their similarities, they have one obvious difference — INTJs are introverts and ENTJs are extraverts. INTJs would be happy to work from behind the scenes, making sure things get done while no one bothers them. ENTJs, on the other hand, love the limelight and draw energy from being around other people.  

Are INTJs and ENTJs compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship?

Unquestionably, INTJs and ENTJs are more than compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship. They have a lot in common, the main difference being that one is introverted while the other is extraverted, so their personalities complement each other very nicely and they get along well in most cases.

INTJs

INTJs are highly analytical thinkers who have an enduring love of learning. They are often standouts at work and are known for tackling problems with logic and fairness. They prefer to work alone and tend to be reserved — they’re likely to thoughtfully listen rather than speak up without anything meaningful to say. Perhaps because they are such good listeners, INTJs are also very intuitive about people and situations.

4 Characteristics of INTJs

  1. They are logical, analytical and good decision makers. 
  2. They set goals for themselves and others that reflect their very high standards. 
  3. INTJs have a tremendous work ethic and drive. 
  4. Their straightforward honestly is often misperceived as being harsh.

ENTJs

ENTJs have all of the intellectual curiosity and logical ability of INTJs but they are charismatic extraverts. This makes them natural leaders who thrive on bringing people together for a common cause. They can be intimidating because they are fearless and direct in their communication style, but they are also known for their ability to charm and win over others.

4 Characteristics of ENTJs

  1. They are very confident decision makers. 
  2. They are planners who also have an eye on the future. 
  3. It is not unusual for them to hold a variety of leadership roles, both professionally and personally. 
  4. They are very guarded about their emotions and would prefer to avoid the topic all together, even among friends.

Because INTJs and ENTJs have so many similarities, it seems that potentially, a spark between the two could lead to a romance.

4 Reasons INTJs and ENTJs would mesh romantically

  1. Most likely, they will have shared interests that revolve around learning and improving themselves. 
  2. INTJs and ENTJs adore lively philosophical discussions. 
  3. Both personalities tend to keep their emotional lives private and will therefore respect this tendency in each other. 
  4. They both will be planners who enjoy living in spaces that are organized.

In spite of their similarities, there are differences that could spell trouble for an INTJ and ENTJ relationship.

4 Reasons INTJs and ENTJs might have problems in a romantic relationship

  1. Discussing emotions might be difficult for both parties. 
  2. An ENTJ will be much more confident socially than an INTJ, so resentments could build up. 
  3. Given that they both like to be in control of a situation, a rivalry between the two could develop. 
  4. They both tend to focus heavily on their own careers which may cut into possible relationship time.

Romance / Love / Sex

Can a committed relationship between an INTJ and an ENTJ survive?  

Once romance turns into a love commitment, a relationship between an INTJ and an ENTJ can most certainly thrive, as long as there is mutual respect and ample communication. They may have to work on their sensitivity and make sure they handle any issues as they arise.  

INTJs

They may be the behind-the-scenes heroes at work, but INTJs may struggle in love relationships. Even though they are capable of deep feelings like everyone else, expressing emotions does not come naturally to them. Still, if given time to find the right person, INTJs can fall in love very deeply and will make loyal and loving partners.

3 Ways an INTJ might approach love

  1. Logic is their default process, so they may try to approach love and relationship issues logically, which doesn’t always work. 
  2. INTJs are naturally driven to succeed in whatever they do, so they will give everything they have to make sure the relationship succeeds. 
  3. They may need to learn restraint and sensitivity in communicating with their partner.

ENTJs

ENTJs may have difficulty expressing their emotions. Consequently, when they’re in love, their actions tend to speak louder than their words. They will be endlessly supportive and loyal, doing whatever they can to help their partner be happy and successful.

3 Ways an ENTJ might approach love

  1. It may take them time to fall in love. 
  2. When they are in love, they will be faithful and loyal to that person. 
  3. It is easier for them to express themselves physically rather than verbally.

What would cause INTJs and ENTJs to mesh well in a love relationship?

  • They are both looking for a relationship that has a strong intellectual component. 
  • If there is a problem, both parties will work hard to solve it once it has been addressed. 
  • They both like to live in an organized, tidy environment. 
  • Both get bored easily and are willing to try new things.

What might cause INTJs and ENTJs to have problems?

  • Both have high expectations of themselves, particularly INTJs, so they could put undue pressure their partners.  
  • ENTJs tend to worry more about their appearance than do INTJs. This could become an issue if either member of the couple found fault with the other. 
  • They would both need to make sure they were sensitive to each other’s feelings, as sensitivity tends to be a weakness for both personalities. 
  • INTJs and ENTJs can both be overly opinionated.

Role of Gender

INTJs and ENTJs fit some gender stereotypes while being completely opposite of others.

INTJs

Generally, INTJ males are more likely to fit into gender stereotypes than are female INTJs.

Male INTJs are professionally driven, goal-oriented and try to be largely unemotional. They are competitive and are constantly striving to improve themselves. They are not loud and domineering and would prefer not to instigate any conflict unless it is absolutely necessary.

4 Characteristics of male INTJs

  1. Their intellectual curiosity is the driving factor in many aspects of their life. 
  2. They need plenty of alone time. 
  3. It takes them a while to get to know people before they can become friends. 
  4. They don’t usually have a lot to say, but when they do speak it is generally very observant and often witty.

To be an INTJ female must feel a little bit like being a unicorn — it’s one of the rarest personality and gender combinations. Very often, INTJ women feel like they don’t fit in, largely because they don’t conform to traditional gender expectations of women. They are non-emotional, career-focused and highly goal-oriented — characteristics most commonly associated with males.

4 Characteristics of female INTJs

  1. They have very high standards for themselves. 
  2. Their personal style is all about practicality and not about being fashionable. 
  3. INTJ females tend to be in male-dominated fields and very often enjoy hobbies that are popular with men. 
  4. They do have an emotional life but are fiercely private and will only occasionally reveal that side of themselves.

ENTJs

ENTJs march to the beat of their own drum. They are not concerned about playing by anyone else’s ideas of what is appropriate for their gender and instead are concerned about getting something accomplished.

Male ENTJs fit certain male stereotypes but not others. They are bold leaders who enjoy taking charge of any situation. They are often appealing to many women because of their intelligence and competence. They are not womanizers, however, and once they find a life partner, they will be relentlessly loyal to that person.

4 Characteristics of male ENTJs

  1. They are charismatic and intelligent people who generally make every gathering more interesting. 
  2. They are natural leaders and will usually jump at the chance to direct any group of people. 
  3. They are honest to a fault, which can end up feeling overly blunt or intimidating to some. 
  4. It may take them a while to trust someone.

Like female INTJs, female ENTJs are also rare. They also buck the typical gender stereotypes in that they are leaders, logical rather than emotional and will stop at nothing to achieve their goals. They are more social, however, and are able to charm both women and men with equal effortlessness.

4 Characteristics of female ENTJs

  1. They will work with others to achieve their goals but are fully capable of being independent. 
  2. Some people may find them to be unapproachable because they are so blunt with their opinions. 
  3. Like INTJs, they often thrive in male-dominated careers. 
  4. Unlike INTJs, they don’t feel particularly alienated from other women.

Possible relationship scenarios between INTJ males and ENTJ females

  • An INTJ male is constantly having to be reminded by his ENTJ wife to pick up the piles of books from around the bed. He agrees, realizing that the piles of books really are out of control but he just hadn’t noticed. He vows to make sure it doesn’t happen again. A few months later, though, it starts all over again. 
  • It took an INTJ guy many months of pursuing his now ENTJ girlfriend before she agreed to go out with him. She had been so caught up in her career and her other friendships that she didn’t seem to care about him either way. But when she finally gave him a chance, he was able to win her over with their common intellectual interests and his sarcastic wit. 

Possible relationship scenarios between INTJ females and ENTJ males

  • An INTJ female has given herself a strict deadline for editing her debut novel. She has disappeared into her study for days to work on it, only coming out for the occasional food, bathroom break and to sleep. Her ENTJ husband was alarmed at first, trying to coax her out with promises of fun and a night on the town. Then he realized the best way to support her would be to give her space, let her figure it out and leave snacks by her door. 
  • An ENTJ male loves his INTJ girlfriend, but sometimes his tendency to encourage her becomes overwhelming and begins to feel like micromanagement. She appreciates his enthusiasm but wishes that he would just calm down and step back and let her proceed at her own pace.

Friendship

INTJs and ENTJs have so many similar qualities, it would make sense that they could be fast friends.

INTJs are frequently misunderstood. Some people mistake their quiet nature and reserved demeanor as meaning that they aren’t interested in friendship. In fact, they value their friends very much.

3 Characteristics of INTJ friendships

  1. There must be some shared intellectual interest between their friends. 
  2. Ideally, their friends are supportive of their need for alone time. 
  3. They prefer one-on-one interaction with their friends rather than attending large gatherings.

ENTJs are go-getters, leaders and can be intimidating. That could deter many people from seeking out their friendship, which would be a shame because ENTJs are very loyal and giving friends once you get to know them.

3 Characteristics of ENTJ friendships

  1. People naturally gravitate to them because of their charisma and appeal. 
  2. They are great organizers. In their friend groups, they are often the ones to get everyone on board for activities and goals. 
  3. They are not shy about telling their friends the truth, even if that truth will be hard to hear.

Can INTJs and ENTJs be friends?

Their personalities are highly compatible and thus they have the potential to be great friends. They share so many qualities — intellectual curiosity, love for conversation, preference for direct communication that they might even turn out to be best friends.

3 Reasons INTJs and ENTJs might mesh well together

  1. Both are intellectually curious and love to spend hours talking about their interests. 
  2. INTJs are very good at listening, while ENTJs are very good at talking. They will balance each other out. 
  3. Given that neither personality is needy, both will understand the other’s need for time and space.

3 Reasons there might be potential problems in an INTJ and an ENTJ friendship

  1. Both are weak when it comes to their emotional side and may miss important cues about when they’ve stepped on the other’s toes. 
  2. ENTJs are extraverts and INTJs are introverts and eventually this difference could prove taxing for the friendship. 
  3. An INTJ might feel drowned out by a more boisterous ENTJ.

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