The strategic INTJ thrives when paired with someone equally as intuitive, but spontaneous and extroverted enough to bring a fresh look to their organized lives. Thus, ENFP or ENTP match well with an INTJ. In relationships and dating, INTJs aren’t the most romantic, but in their own unique way, they bring passion through engaging intellectual conversations and creativity in finding solutions to relationship conflicts.
|Positive||INTJs are strongly compatible with Extroverted-Intuition types like ENFP and ENTP. These types have a good mix of opposite traits to balance the INTJ, while also valuing the same deep imagination as the INTJ.||INTJ’s prefer to have a balance of time spent with their partner and on their own. Commitment and loyalty are values that INTJs look for.||INTJs show love by offering creative solutions that can help their partner. They can invest a lot of time and mental space in their partner’s personal goals and needs.||When dating, INTJs are attracted to a confident, self-assured person with whom they can discuss abstract topics and share goals.|
|Negative||The worst types for an INTJ tend to be those with Sensing-Judging, like ISFJ, ESFJ, ISTJ, ESTJ, whose pragmatic, grounded nature can feel uninspiring for the INTJ.||A bad relationship for an INTJ may consist of little independence and too many surprises. INTJs dislike when their routine is out of their control.||Some of INTJ’s weaknesses in love include being overly critical and not understanding their partner emotionally. They may accidentally come off as insensitive at times.||INTJs prefer not to waste their time on dates involving small talk, interruptions, or overly emotional displays. Moreover, they don’t date casually.|
What is an INTJ’s Overall Compatibility with Other Personality Types?
The INTJ’s last choices for a compatible relationship include personality types with Sensing and Judging traits, so types like ISFJ & ESTJ may clash with INTJs in their contrasting worldview. Future-oriented INTJs are best complemented by types like ENFP and ENTP, which have similar values to INTJs but more extroverted tendencies.
Best Matches for an INTJ
The most suitable counterparts for an INTJ will be opposite in source of energy and similar in how they understand the world: Extroverted-Intuition will be most suited for an Introverted-Intuition. More specifically, ENFP and ENTP are most compatible with an INTJ.
INTJ & ENFP
Because the INTJ and ENFP share two cognitive functions, they relate to each other. The ENFP’s strength in feeling-based decision-making complements the INTJ’s rational mind. Both have a blast considering different possibilities and imagining with the world may bring. ENFP’s empathy gives them a better understanding of the INTJ. At the same time, the ENFP knows when to draw the INTJ out into the real world.
INTJ & ENTP
The INTJ is attracted to the ENTP’s confidence and self-security, as well as their inclination to do fresh, exciting things. An ENTP is the least likely to feel like overheated discussions with an INTJ are personally targeted. This way, both can enjoy passionate arguments without damaging the relationship. ENTP is open to expressing appreciation for the INTJ. This relationship thrives when both are respectful of each other’s energy levels.
Worst Matches for an INTJ
While not the most compatible, that’s not to say a relationship with the following types won’t work. However, generally, an INTJ can come to an opposition with the following.
INTJ & ISFJ
An INTJ may have to work harder to understand the ISFJs more sensitive needs. The ISFJ may perceive the INTJ as cold or uncaring in their mannerisms, misinterpreting them. Meanwhile, the INTJ will struggle to help an ISFJ change since ISFJs favor stability in their routines over time. Furthermore, an ISFJ will readily write the INTJ off as being too conceptual, head-in-the-clouds — they prefer more present, sensible thinking.
INTJ & ESFJ
Communication between an INTJ and ESFJ can be demanding for both of them. The Sensing-Feeling type expresses emotions as a reaction to their direct perceptions, while the INTJ’s Intuitive-thinking processing and analyzes the situation inwardly before expressing their conclusion. Because of this, the ESFJ may tend to take criticism more personally. At the same time, INTJ will not be able to fully communicate their ideas.
INTJ & ISTJ
While both the INTJ and ISTJ are ambitious, goal-oriented creatures, they tend to focus on vastly different things. For example, the INTJ considers the big picture. The ISTJ prefers to see the little details, especially when it comes to daily tasks. In some cases, this can feel like micromanagement for the INTJ.
Furthermore, both find themselves at a loss when faced with unexpected circumstances. An INTJ may need a partner who can help them adapt quickly.
INTJ & ESTJ
The INTJ’s overactive imagination can do well with an ESTJ’s back-to-earth mentality. However, these two may struggle to find common ground in discussions. The ESTJ tends to be reflective of the past, focusing on concrete observations and experiences, while the INTJ enjoys breaking down why and how things came to be. Both are structural in organizing their routines, which can lead to difficulty in making time for each other.
INTJ compatibility chart
|Personality Type||Compatibility with INTJ|
|ENFP||The ENFP can offer a new, exciting perspective to life, but with a habit of procrastinating, may clash with the structured, stable INTJ.|
|ENTP||ENTP and INTJ work well together, both involved in intellectual pursuits and preference for independence.|
|INFP||While they both have wild imaginations and can respect each other’s privacy, the INTJ struggles to meet the INFP’s emotional needs.|
|INFJ||INFJ and INTJ will enjoy discussing conceptual ideas, but INFJ’s passion can overwhelm the INTJ.|
|ENFJ||An ENFJ will bring much warmth and fun to the relationship, but INTJ may view ENFJs as overly emotional.|
|INTJ||Two INTJs together will have similar needs, viewpoints, and satisfy each other’s intellectual hunger. However, they may become rigid in their routines and spend less time with each other|
|ENTJ||While both ambitious and independent, INTJ may feel the ENTJ is controlling, while the ENTJ can get annoyed by INTJ’s need to analyze every decision.|
|INTP||Both are intuitive, rational, and future-focused, but INTP is far less confrontational and direct, which can cause communication issues.|
|ISFP||As loving and gentle as ISFP is for the INTJ, this relationship may be unbalanced due to INTJ’s straightforward, confrontational nature.|
|ESFP||ESFP is more carefree about relationships, which won’t align with INTJ’s preference for a serious commitment.|
|ISTP||A relationship between an ISTP and INTJ may be free of conflict, with both respecting each other’s privacy and individual interests.|
|ESTP||ESTP may get too restless due to INTJ’s introspective nature. However, they bring a balance of objective thinking and empathy.|
|ISFJ||INTJ may see ISFJ as too conservative and overemotional, while ISFJ won’t appreciate INTJs being too lost in their thoughts.|
|ESFJ||Both INTJ and ESFJ are very organized, but INTJ cannot provide the level of care and sensitivity that the ESFJ does.|
|ISTJ||ISTJs are reliable and don’t overdramatize situations, which INTJs value. However, they may clash due to ISTJ’s traditional outlook and INTJ’s unconventional innovations.|
|ESTJ||While they don’t have very much in common, INTJ will appreciate the ESTJ’s stability.|
The INTJ treasures connection with someone who fits perfectly into their long-term life outlook, with whom they can grow together. While not the most externally romantic, INTJs portray their feelings by spending time with their loved ones, seeking imaginative, conceptual discourse.
What an INTJ Looks for in a Relationship
In a relationship, the INTJ will always look for long-term viability. If a potential partner doesn’t fit well with long-term goals or life plans, it’s not likely that they will choose to jump into a relationship.
The hallmarks of a good relationship for an INTJ include:
- Commitment and loyalty
- Deep discussions
- Mutual independence
Commitment is a vital value to them, and without it, they will refrain from investing any more into a person. Otherwise, choosing someone means they will pour their heart and mind into getting to know the person and growing a connection.
Additionally, INTJs look for someone independent, who is self-possessed, and who knows who they are. As lone-wolves themselves, INTJ looks for those who understand them and respect their individuality.
What an INTJ Needs in a Relationship
- Continual self-development
- Personal space and alone time
- Patience and understanding of the INTJ’s limited emotional expression
An INTJ is hungry for continuous personal growth. A relationship lacking in dynamics or continual improvement is not fulfilling for an INTJ. Rather, they are always mentally optimizing and planning for the most beneficial ways to further build on themselves and the relationship.
Just as critically, INTJ needs time to themselves. Half of their reality is lived and theorized in their minds, and taking time to refuel and indulge in their abstract theories is necessary. An understanding, a patient partner is most suited for an INTJ, giving them room to flourish on their own.
The relationship should have clear boundaries regarding time and space, with minimal overbearing. For example, a relationship with someone who is overly needy emotionally or physically will not work well with an INTJ.
When an Ideal Relationship for an INTJ Looks Like
In their minds, INTJs hold a vision for the perfect relationship, and they will constantly be cooking up strategies to make it so. Generally, an ideal relationship will include three priorities: independence, long-term commitment, and continual refinement.
To break it down, INTJs are happiest when they have an optimal balance of alone time and time with their partner. That being said, a relationship with the right person means INTJs have found someone they have chosen to trust as a long-term, loyal partner, so they are happy to sacrifice their own time for the sake of the relationship. INTJs prefer to be in relationships that are meaningful and easily integrated into their future
Of course, INTJs are always analyzing problems and finding solutions to make a relationship even better. The ideal relationship for an INTJ doesn’t have to match the perfect ideal in their minds. Instead, they enjoy the process of fixing up any issues, discussing solutions with their partner, self-development, and helping their partner grow alongside them.
How an INTJ Acts in Relationships
While INTJs are generally prefer not to show their emotions, they are excellent listeners. Once they are in a relationship, they do whatever it takes to know everything about their partner. From observation to research, they are the first to notice little, important facts that help their understanding and dealings with their partner.
When it comes to conversation, INTJs don’t flirt as much as they engage others in deep philosophical or theoretical discussion. As perpetual thinkers, they love being able to share and discuss ideas with a special person. More difficult topics that require confrontation are not things that an INTJ would shy away from. To maintain the relationship and improve it, they will gladly undergo awkward, direct communication to find a solution.
What a Bad Relationship for an INTJ Looks Like
When reality truly clashes with the INTJ’s inner ideal relationship, fixing might not be enough to salvage it. INTJs will not stay for very long in a relationship that doesn’t work. As problem-solvers, they will stop at nothing to improve the situation.
If a relationship is filled with disrespecting boundaries, too much instability or surprises they couldn’t predict, or indirect communication, the relationship may become strained.
As averse to emotion as INTJs may seem, they are far more intense in their depth of feeling than any other type. To them, standard romantic gestures hold less weight than quality time with their partner, working towards common goals and engaging in intellectually stimulating activities
What is an INTJ in love like?
An INTJ in love is difficult to point out. They are not ones to show emotions easily, even to those closest to them. Simply, being overly emotional is uncomfortable, and they prefer using logic to drive their behavior.
With that, falling in love with an INTJ is a combination of deep emotions and a lengthy, rational process. When considering a potential partner, their strong emotions will prompt INTJs to analyze the long-term trajectory of a relationship. Otherwise, they don’t allow themselves to fall in love that easily.
Once they “choose” to let themselves fall in love, it’s a decision that speaks volumes. The INTJ in love is incredibly loyal and driven to serve their partner in every practical way possible. Whether they help a partner strive to reach an objective or help them with a problem, INTJs show their support clearly.
Overly exuberant acts of love, like conventional flowers, chocolates, or gifts, are rare from an INTJ. They prefer to spend time and energy on their partner in ways that are impactful in their lives, like an intellectual conversation or giving a book.
INTJ Males in Love
While INTJ males can seem aloof on the outside when in love, it becomes obvious in their honed-in attention to their partner. As with all INTJs, males in love will not engage in emotional displays.
However, their body language and treatment will very clearly show that they are in love — that is, if they don’t directly admit it themselves. If asked about their perspective, INTJs will cut to the chase – even in matters of love.
Usually, without saying anything, they will go out of their way to provide utmost respect and comfort to their partner. Even giving a special person extra attention or interest is a huge sign, because INTJ males will honestly not waste their time otherwise.
INTJ Females in Love
A sharp contrast from the stereotypical idea of a woman in love, INTJ females follow closely after their male counterparts. They go against every expectation, from minimal shows of emotion to preference of logic. As independent as they are, they will not invest in short-term crushes unless they will lead to something significant.
How an INTJ Knows They are in Love
When an INTJ begins playing with the idea of a potential partner in their plans, it’s a good sign they’re in love. INTJs will never jump wholeheartedly into love at the slightest flutter of the heart. Rather, they recognize the emotion and will take time to process it fully. Only after logically considering the situation will they consciously accept whether they are in love or not.
Funnily enough, there is a rule of thumb – if the INTJ is not acting like their usual self around someone, chances are they are in love.
How an INTJ Shows Love
Ever the knowledge-seeker, an INTJ will similarly devote their mental space to learning everything they can about their partner.
They show love by…
- Deliberately trying to remember little vital facts about their partner
- Working on understanding them
- Helping them practically, by improving their workload or environment
- Trying to optimize the relationship to make it work
While not skilled at expressing themselves, an INTJ shows love by spending more attention and time with a person. Allowing physical touch is a major sign. Usually, INTJs preserve their own space, even with close friends.
If an INTJ is comfortable enough to accept a hug, for example, or even initiate a touch themselves, it is a big deal. Otherwise, they provide direct communication when asked about their feelings.
INTJ Love Language
An INTJ’s most valued currency is their time. As introverted intuitive types, they prefer to reside in their comforting inner world, always imagining potential solutions, plans to meet their goals, and future-oriented theories.
However, with a partner they care immensely about, they would gladly give away a portion of their alone-time to spend on their partner. Therefore, quality time is their love language.
In return, INTJ’s also feel greatest when showered with an appreciation for their efforts. They pride themselves on their capabilities, so it’s important when others recognize it and point it out.
Does an INTJ Fall in Love Easily?
An INTJ falls in love gradually, and cautiously – and only if they have pulled back to thoroughly examine their feelings. INTJ treat love just like anything else; they conceptualize it logically, consider the pros and cons, theorize the long-term implications, and so on. What this means is that if an INTJ has found a love interest to be worth their time, they will be diligently true to their choice.
How to Make an INTJ Fall in Love
Generally, INTJs can pick up if someone is right or wrong for them from the get-go. If they are willing to continually interact with someone, it’s a good sign. Otherwise, they do not waste time with a relationship that will go nowhere.
To make an INTJ fall in love after that point, it’s important to take it slow. INTJs hate the unpredictable. They appreciate people who are plain in communicating their attraction, as things like small talk, flirting, and mind games feel vapid and unnecessary to the INTJ. More than anything, an INTJ will love when others are considerate of their space and independence.
How to Love an INTJ Long Term
For a successful, fulfilling long-term relationship with an INTJ, it’s important to first have aligning visions. The future is always on an INTJ’s mind. They like to be three steps ahead and plan for all possibilities, and their desire to always be better can mean they look to the future optimistically, devising strategies to get the most favorable outcomes.
A partner who can share in that vision is important, and continual discussions of it will solidify an INTJ’s trust in their commitment to the relationship.
Regularly engage them in their various abstract ideas, and vocalize appreciation for their creativity. INTJs live in their heads, and getting them out is expertly done when they can feel like their ideas are valued. When it comes to communication, being able to bounce ideas back and forth is stimulating for an INTJ, and better than any romantic gift.
However, being straightforward is key. There is no room for emotional manipulation or passive aggression – an INTJ is direct when sharing their thoughts, if not their emotions.
Is an INTJ Romantic?
Objectively, an INTJ is not the most romantic, not in common sense. However, it’s no easy feat to be someone whom an INTJ considers as a potential long-term partner. Once they finalize the decision in their minds – every going through multiple future trajectories, they are committed to that person, no questions asked.
While they don’t necessarily flirt in the traditional sense, an INTJ will reveal their humorous charm, usually with sarcasm to get their partner to laugh.
Is an INTJ a Good Lover?
INTJs are good lovers in the ways they know best. According to the common conventions of love and romance, they may not conform. However, they try their hardest to provide an environment for their partners to thrive.
Imagine someone else pouring as much energy and time into your personal goal or dream as you – that’s the length an INTJ will go to offer support.
Furthermore, before they do anything, they rely on their logical mind first, even if inspired by their emotions. In a way, this means every act of love is more meaningful, having gone through several layers of analysis in the INTJ’s mind.
While INTJs don’t actively search for love, when dating, they will do it seriously with a clear goal in mind. The INTJ can be initially attracted to a quality appearance, striking independence, and intelligence, the best person to date is someone who is emotionally stable and respects boundaries.
INTJ Dating Personality
As with anything else, an INTJ doesn’t start dating without a plan in place. Dating is as serious as finding a potential lifelong partner – if they don’t see a future with someone, they won’t even consider dating them.
During a date, INTJs while relatively reserved in displaying emotion will be straightforward. For example, INTJ will not hesitate to make the first move after analysis, they see potential in a person. Otherwise, they don’t care for normal dating practices, like luxurious high-class restaurants or excessive gifts or affection.
What Type of Person does an INTJ Usually Date?
The features that attract an INTJ the most include:
- Clear intentions
- Raging curiosity and creativity
An open person who can be upfront about their goals, for themselves and the relationships are key to building trust. INTJs don’t appreciate beating around the bush, nor do they feel connected with people without ambitions.
As independent creatures, they look for others who hold the same values. Physical appearance is also important, but a person lacking interest in theoretical and intellectual back-and-forth is a deal-breaker.
What Type of Person SHOULD an INTJ date?
While the qualities that an INTJ seeks when initially dating can be clear from the beginning, the right person for a promising relationship should hold some specific characteristics.
For one, an INTJ must date someone patient and emotionally intelligent. Others who depend on emotional expression may feel an INTJ is insensitive, although it is in most cases, not the intention.
When it comes to both emotions and personal time, both should be able to happily deal with being separated without mistaking the INTJ as uninterested.
Furthermore, a person who can engage with discussion, and even more heated arguments with an INTJ is less likely to take it personally.
Dating an INTJ
When dating an INTJ, the relationship can be very smooth and supportive. INTJ respect the other person’s autonomy and enjoy assisting in their personal goals. While not super physically affectionate, if an INTJ shows they are comfortable with someone through small, deliberate touches.
For example, a brush of the shoulder, hand on the arm, or overall closeness means a lot coming from an INTJ.
On the other hand, some may find it difficult to read an INTJ due to their aloof demeanor. They may seem intimidating on the outside, but they simply refrain from being too forward. Their discomfort with emotional reactions can lead them to accidentally come off as insensitive.
Having an INTJ Boyfriend
Rather than shower his partner with gifts and romantic gestures, an INTJ boyfriend will vehemently plan out time dedicated to spending time with them. INTJ boyfriends learn just as much about their partner as they do about their intellectual pursuits.
Having an INTJ Girlfriend
An INTJ girlfriend is a lot less affectionate than other types. Despite that, she will be just as loyal, despite not falling into the normal idea of a girlfriend. It will take time before an INTJ girlfriend can show her true self. On the outside, she can seem calculating and disinterested, but in reality, she is selective about with whom she spends time.