ISTJ and INTJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage and Romance


ISTJs (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking and Judging) and INTJs (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging) are both intellectually-oriented and career-minded personalities who are driven to make a difference in the world.

They are unflappably logical and rational, are excellent decision makers and, because of their passion and forthright manner, can sometimes come off as a little intimidating to others. They tend to be private people who do not dwell on subjectivity or emotions.

In spite of their similarities, they perceive the world differently and will thus approach many situations differently. An ISTJ tends to concentrate on the here and now while an INTJ has their focus on the future.

An ISTJ examines the minutia of a situation and prefers tried-and-true methods, opting for traditional solutions. An INTJ is just the opposite. They see the big picture and prefer new ideas — the more creative and outlandish, the better.

Are ISTJs and INTJs compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship?

If they are willing to put in effort and make sacrifices for each other, a romantic relationship between an ISTJ and an INTJ could flourish. They are both very logical personalities but tend to concentrate on different things, so a relationship certainly can go well if they both understand this.

ISTJs

An ISTJ will always be dependable and serious about getting the job done right. As introverts, they don’t necessarily want to be in charge but will take on that role if necessary. Though they thoroughly research all potential decisions, very often, they begin with a gut instinct that turns out to be correct. ISTJs believe in making goals and working hard to achieve them.

4 Characteristics of ISTJs

  1. They take their personal values very seriously and are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in. 
  2. They tend to be very devoted to their friends and especially to their family. 
  3. Their vigorous sense of right and wrong can be difficult for others to deal with if they do not share the same feelings. 
  4. They are known for having a keen knowledge of details and for have an excellent memory.

INTJs

If you need someone to dream up future possibilities, an INTJ might very well be the best candidate. They are visionaries who use their intellect and creativity to come up with unique, out-of-the-box solutions. Their logical and persistent approach yields results but may end up alienating a few people along the way, especially if they don’t share the INTJ’s vision.

4 Characteristics of INTJs

  1. They have a tendency to challenge authority and thus may work best independently. 
  2. They are endlessly curious and will usually be involved in some type of learning throughout their lives. 
  3. They live in a world of theories and ideas much more than emotions. 
  4. INTJs are very often perfectionists.

Given that both personality types are introverted intellectuals, it would be reasonable to assume that ISTJs and INTJs may have the potential to be a good romantic match.

4 Reasons ISTJs and INTJs would romantically mesh well together

  1. They would “get” each other because logic dictates both of their thinking styles. 
  2. They both prefer time spent one-on-one rather than socializing in large groups of people. 
  3. They share a deep intellectual curiosity and will enjoy having in depth discussions about ideas.
  4. Both personalities are very guarded when it comes to exposing their emotional side, which the other would very much understand.

Even with their similarities, ISTJs and INTJs have significant differences that may eventually cause friction in their relationship.

4 Reasons ISTJs and INTJs might have problems in a romantic relationship

  1. They have very different perceptions of the world — ISTJs look at details while INTJs see the big picture.
  2. ISTJs can be rigid and not like change whereas INTJs take more risks and hate to be bored. 
  3. As personality types who struggle with emotion, they may have difficulty with the emotional intimacy required for a successful relationship. 
  4. Given that both are relatively private and reluctant to share their inner feelings, their relationship could become strained.

Romance / Love / Sex

A casual relationship may be one thing, but can ISTJs and INTJs fall in love with each other?

Again, if any two personalities are committed enough, including ISTJs and INTJs, they have the potential to make their relationship work. With communication and mutual respect, anything is possible.

ISTJs

Even though ISTJs are no-nonsense people who are not particularly expressive about their own feelings, it doesn’t mean that they can’t feel passionately about other people. They are capable of loving very deeply.

4 Ways an ISTJ might approach love

  1. They do not like serial dating and would rather have a long-term relationship.  
  2. They take their time with relationships and usually don’t fall in love fast. 
  3. They may tend to follow traditional gender roles — the female handles the family and the male is the main bread winner. 
  4. They are very loyal and nurturing to their partner and will be fully committed to making the relationship work.

INTJs

Like ISTJs, they are not usually expressive about their feelings. This doesn’t mean, however, that they don’t have feelings or passion.

4 Ways an INTJ might approach love

  1. They have the confidence not to lose the sense of themselves when engaged in a committed relationship. 
  2. When truly in love, they will do whatever they can to make their relationship work. 
  3. They tend to show affection through action rather than through loving words. 
  4. They are willing to talk about any problems within the relationship.

Reasons why an ISTJ and an INTJ may mesh well in a relationship:

  • They are likely to share similar intellectual goals. 
  • They understand about giving each other plenty of space. 
  • Both will be completely honest with the other.

Reasons why ISTJs and INTJs may encounter problems:

  • When two personalities with a tendency to be insensitive to other people’s feelings get together, someone may eventually get hurt. 
  • The INTJ’s perfectionism may start to wear on the ISTJ after a while. 
  • An ISTJ tends to hover to show affection and an INTJ may feel suffocated by too much attention.

Role of Gender

ISTJs and INTJs have similar experiences when it comes to conforming to society’s gender role expectations. The males from both personality groups tend to appear more like typical males. Females from both groups tend to demonstrate traits more atypical for a stereotypical woman.

ISTJs

Because the ISTJ personality is associated with being tough-minded, driven and practical rather than emotional, ISTJ males tend to adhere to gender stereotypes more than female ISTJs.

While male ISTJs might conform to many gender role expectations, they do not consider themselves to be particularly masculine. Labels are relatively unimportant to them and if someone thought their affectations or pursuits seemed feminine, they wouldn’t much care.

4 Characteristics of male ISTJs

  1. They have a black and white sense of morality and will always strive to do what is right. 
  2. They will usually prefer the traditional way of doing things rather than use a more modern or untried approach. 
  3. They are known for having an eye for detail. 
  4. They are not shy about offering their opinion.

ISTJ females may have trouble relating to other women. They would often rather work than socialize. They don’t enjoy frivolous activity and tend to err on the side of practicality.

4 Characteristics of female ISTJs

  1. They will listen to other people’s perspectives but may not particularly empathetic. 
  2. They tend to have a small circle of friends with whom they are very loyal.
  3. Like most introverts, they need plenty of alone time. 
  4. They have a reputation for being brutally honest. Some may misinterpret their words as being overly harsh.

INTJs

Like ISTJs, male INTJs tend to exhibit more gender stereotypes than do female INTJs.

INTJ males are driven, logical to the core and willing to abandon the typical conventions if it will further their goals. They may not seek to be leaders but if put in a position of leadership, they will easily convert people to their point of view.

4 Characteristics of male INTJs

  1. They have a tendency to spend too much time alone and may need to be reminded to come out of their bubble every once and a while. 
  2. They are very self-sufficient. 
  3. They have no time for incompetence, especially if the incompetent person is in a position of authority. 
  4. They may prefer to work rather than to have down time.

Like their ISTJ counterparts, INTJ females often find themselves feeling alienated from other women. They prefer an in-depth intellectual debate rather than a bubbly, light-hearted conversation. They also may find socializing in large crowds to be a waste of time.

4 Characteristics of female INTJs

  1. They will usually be very guarded about their private life and their feelings. 
  2. They will tend to put logic ahead of emotions, both professionally and personally. 
  3. INTJ females have a tendency to take relationships very slowly. 
  4. They do not like being told what to do and have a particular issue with males attempting to dominate them.

Possible relationship scenarios between ISTJ males and INTJ females

  • An ISTJ male and his INTJ wife are always having disputes over long-term plans. Before they were married, the wife made an incredibly detailed life plan involving where they would live, how many children they would have and what they should each be earning at certain life benchmarks. The ISTJ would prefer she just abandon this way of thinking but no matter what he says, she won’t give it up.
  • An ISTJ male would prefer that his INTJ fiancée quit her job when and if they have children so she can stay home and take care of them. The INTJ tells him that she has no intention of giving up her career and believes that she can come up with a creative way to manage both her family and professional responsibilities. This is a contentious issue between them.

Possible relationship scenarios between ISTJ females and INTJ males

  • An INTJ male and an ISTJ female are both interested in filmmaking. The INTJ is fascinated by how movies will evolve in the future and prefers more abstract movies that are unstructured and break cinematic rules. The ISTJ female is endlessly frustrated by his taste in movies and prefers the classics from the golden era of film. They must agree to disagree.
  • An ISTJ female is always having gut feelings about the people she and her INTJ husband meet. She’ll tell him who likely has a troubled past and who is dishonest at business. The INTJ husband will be skeptical each and every time she makes her pronouncements because they aren’t based on facts. Yet, uncannily, she is correct every time.

Friendship

ISTJs and INTJs are both introverts who will usually have small circles of friends. They both like it that way — neither is particularly interested in being the most popular person at the party.

ISTJs

If you want someone who will tell you the absolute truth, no matter how unflattering it may be, then you should consider having an ISTJ as your friend. They are loyal and trustworthy and will always be there when you need them.

3 Characteristics of ISTJ friendships

  1. If they have to make a choice between their family or their friends, very often, their family will win out. 
  2. They are very private about their emotional life, even among dear friends. 
  3. They are honest with their friends and will expect the same honesty in return.

INTJs

No one would ever accuse an INTJ of trying to be popular. They are very contented to do their own thing and if people like it, great. If not, then that’s okay too. Consequently, the friends that they do have tend to love and accept the INTJ for who they are.

3 Characteristics of INFJ friendships

  1. Within their small circle of friends, they tend to be the unofficial leader of the group. 
  2. In all likelihood, their friends will share in at least some of their interests. 
  3. They need plenty of time away from even their best friends.

Can ISTJs and INTJs be friends?

Like any two personalities, they can have a rich and meaningful friendship as long as they are respectful and considerate of the other’s needs.

4 Reasons why ISTJs and INTJs might mesh well together

  1. Both personalities are intellectually driven — there will be hours of fascinating conversations between them. 
  2. They are both introverts who value privacy, especially regarding personal issues.
  3. Both personalities value honest and straightforward communication and aren’t likely to be hurt by the other’s bluntness. 
  4. They will probably enjoy doing the same types of activities — attending lectures, going movies, wandering through museums, etc.

4 Reasons why there might be potential problems in ISTJ an INTJ friendship

  1. In spite of their similarities, they have different perspectives on the world and may grow impatient by the other’s take. 
  2. INTJs have a tendency to be overbearing regarding their opinions. This could wear on an ISTJ.
  3. An ISTJ will prefer a traditional way of structuring their lives and the INTJ might not be able to understand that. 
  4. They are both very strong personalities. Two opinionated people in one friendship may be too much.

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